hargrove. [ BILLY HARGROVE 2 ]

iii. CHAPTER ONE

~*~
Hawkins Community College
March, 1986

     "And when did these dreams start again?" Billy looked over at his counselor, shrugging slightly as he crossed his arms. 

     "A week ago, maybe a week and a half. I-I don't know, I can't keep track," he answered. His therapist's name was Michael. He would've gotten a female therapist, but Michael was all he could afford. As in, Michael was the counselor his college provided. 

    "And how do they start?" Michael asked. Billy glanced at him, shaking his head slowly. 

     "I don't know," he answered, lying to him. "I just know I'm having dreams about her and I want them to stop." Michael was a tall blonde with blue eyes. He was around 6'3, and was a fairly buff man. Probably mid 40's. 

     "I can't help you if you don't tell me about them, Billy," Michael said, capping his pen. Billy looked at it, sighing as he adjusted his posture and crossed his arms. 

     "I don't want to think about her," Billy said. "If I do, I'll just..." His eyes watered, and he swiped his hand over his faced shaking his head. "I can't talk about her or I'll just fall into a hole again." 

     "Sometimes we need to dig a hole in order to come back out on top as a better person," Michael explained to him. "Could you at least say her name?" Billy looked at him, the thoughts running through his mind. He could hear her name in his head, and he could feel it on the tip of his tongue. "You called me for an appointment." 

     "I know, I know, I'm sorry," Billy said, uncrossing his arms and leaning forward. He placed his arms on his knees as he shook his head. "I just..." He sighed, rubbing his head in frustration before looking up. "I'm scared to go to sleep, because I know I'll see her. And when I see her, I just never want to wake up. I want to stay asleep forever, because being asleep means being w-with her. And waking up means she's gone again, and I can't... I can't keep pretending like I'm okay with being awake." 

     "Have you tried sorting through her things like I told you to?" Michael asked. Billy looked up, then shook his head slowly as he leaned back again. "I think you should go back to your dorm and do that." Billy looked at him, shaking his head quickly. 

     "No," Billy responded. "I can't- I can't do that." 

    "Billy, it's been a long time," Michael said, leaning forward. "What would Mary want you to do?" 

~*~

     Billy walked through his dorm hall, messing with his keys in his hands. He finally reached his dorm, stepping in to see that his roommate was gone. That lifted up his day a bit as he locked the door behind him. He set his keys on his desk, turning and looking to the box shoved under his bed. He walked that way, bending down to it. He reached his hand forward to grab it, hesitating before grabbing the box and pulling it out.

     San Francisco ended up falling through for Billy. He'd made it in, but flunked out after his first semester. Everyone had assumed that he would want to leave and get a fresh start, not bathe in the memories of what had happened at Hawkins. In reality, he had given up and needed to decide by the end of May if he actually wanted to go  back to San Francisco. He was beginning to lean towards yes, as he was hoping the new place with a new start would serve him better than Hawkins was. 

     After it all, Billy's dad left. He was mad at him for not choosing California, so he took it upon himself to leave Billy on his own, and divorce Susan. In the process, making them homeless and with no money. Since community college was next to nothing, Billy was able to get by based on savings. So, he now had zero parents, zero girlfriend, and never saw his little sister because she was actually the one avoiding him. 

     Billy pulled open the box lids, seeing the note was right at the top. He set that aside, not wanting to ever read it again. Next were her records. He picked up the Elvis one first, staring at it for a moment. He flipped it over to see all the slow songs written on the back, his eyes glancing over "Love Me Tender". He set the record down, picking up some books and a few sweaters that she'd left in his room.

     He picked up the teddy bear, staring at it for a few seconds. He remembered winning it at the end of year carnival, and hiding it from her for months to find the right time to give it to her. He figured they would have a random fight and he would get angry. Then he'd give her the bear, but he never got the chance.

     He clutched it harder, his eyes beginning to water as he brought it closer to his chest. He hugged it as close to him as he possibly could, closing his eyes as a few tears rolled down his cheeks. He took a couple of deep breaths before turning and setting the bear down on his bed next to his pillows. He pushed open the lid again to see a jewelry case sitting at the bottom. He froze as he stared at it, forgetting that the ring was even in there. There was a pounding on his door, Billy looking over.

     "Go away, Kyle," he said easily.

     "It's not Kyle."

     "Go away, Gavin," Billy snapped.

     "Not Gavin, either." Billy sighed, pushing himself up off the ground and going to the door.

     "Look, it's not a good time-" Billy opened the door and froze as he saw Mary standing there. "Mary?"

     "Hi, Billy," she said, smiling up at him. "Did you miss me?"

     Billy blinked a few times, snapping himself out of his day dream. He sighed, grabbing the ring from the box. He bit down on his bottom lip, opening the case to see the ring sitting right there. He went to grab it, but didn't want to move it from its place. He could still see the engraving inside, and he shut the case quickly before setting it down. He went back into the box, seeing the note he'd written to her. He grabbed it and set it with hers, turning and looking inside the box to see the last thing was a shirt. His AC/DC tank-top, specifically the one Mary had died in. He stared at it, flashing back to that last moment he'd seen her alive.

     The last words he ever heard her saying were that she loved him. The tank-top had blood stains on it, and holes from where the claws had been dug into her back and sides. He only stared at it, not wanting to pick it up. He was scared that if he picked it up, he would never be able to stop crying. Even though it was covered in blood, it still somewhat smelled of her perfume. And if he even got a whiff of her, he'd break.

     Billy slowly began to put things back in the box, shutting it and sliding it under his bed again. He stood and crawled onto his bed, kicking his shoes off of his feet. He pulled his jacket off and threw it at his chair, then lied down. He grabbed the bear and pulled it into his chest, staring at the wall as he shut his eyes in hopes to see her in his dreams.