Under The Mango Trees

Chapter Twenty One : In Between Sorrows Of Young Tulsi

I folded the book and moved it away from her face. "Does it matter?"

"Tell me nooooooo. Even I want to become intelligent."

"It's about this guy who loves this girl a lot, despite him knowing that she's engaged to another man---" I couldn't even finish the entire summary before she burst out giggling, reducing a classic to a mere joke.

"Sorry, sorry! I won't laugh, I promise." She looked sincerely into my eyes from below and for a few seconds, I doubted her sincerity.

I broke her gaze, turning to the book, this time explaining vaguely, "Yeah so he goes away to distract himself, comes back again, but the girl is married to the other guy now."

She tilted her head upwards. "That's it?"

"Well, I have come only so far. If you read, you'll understand. Telling you like this is a waste."

"I'll read it now. I have plenty of time. Give it to me." Her grasping hands like that of a baby's reached towards me and I reflexively raised it high above my head. She got up and speedily snatched it, but my hold was so tight that I feared the book would tear. Unable to get the full book in her hands, she used other tactics like tickling my sides which had no effect on me and eventually made her only giggle. "Alright, please, please, please, give it to me."

Once again, I waved it above my head, taking advantage of a few inches of my height, "I have no reason to surrender."

"Oh, you will!" She tried standing up on the bed, but with my free hand, I firmly held her legs and that made her weakly collapse against me, her face shaking with laughter and burying in my shoulder. Her laughter transitioned to whining, her headbutting my shoulder, "Just give it to me, pleaseeeeee. Please---" First headbutt, "---please---" Another headbutt. The weight of her head suddenly disappeared from my shoulder when she met my eyes with a fierceness of a lioness. She challenged me, "So you won't surrender?" Her face was so close to mine that not only I could see her faint, brown moustache, but I could feel the warm breath fanning my lips. There was the serious, urging look in her eyes and I instinctively leaned forward, expecting the prisoner to be freed. I felt the embarrassing tears overwhelm and roll down when my eyes couldn't comfort them anymore. Her lips were so soft, so warm and I could taste the saltiness of my tears on her lips as she muffled my sobs, throttling them, trying to kill them.

Within what felt like a second, she rolled away from me on the bed and burst out into tremulous giggles, "You kissed me first this time! You like me! You do like me!" I stopped crying, the dead weight of finality sunk in my stomach like a stone vanishing in the sand. She covered her crimson face with her hands, still giggling, so unaffected by everything. "You made me feel so stupid all this while. I hate you Tulsi, I hate you very, very, very much. How could you make me feel so stupid?"

The goosebumps were like thorns, piercing me coldly and when she again brought her face close to me, I turned my face away, no longer letting her kill my sobs, my voice. "I love you, Lila . . . God, I have always known that I love you, but I never-never ever wanted to be it. I'm sorry, I'm crying, I know how you hate crybabies," I forced the words out, breaking into such a nervous chuckle that the humiliation of it, made me more nervous. The tears simply wouldn't stop, smearing my face, smearing my words with unclarity. "But I don't want to be one of them. I don't care what others do-or-or who they bloody love, you know? I swear I don't! I honestly don't care. But I don't want to be that. One of them. Queer. Shit, I'm so sorry---" I couldn't complete my sentence. The sobs overtook my words, the guilt of what I had said made me cry harder like a spoiled kid, but Lila . . . She wasn't appalled or weirded out. At least, she didn't show that she was when I felt her arms engulf me and caress my hair. The tenderness of a woman. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I love you, Lila, I do. I swear---"

"Then that's what matters," she said smilingly, holding my chin and letting me taste my own shame on her lips.

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