As Fate Would Have It | ✓

chapter twenty-eight

Song for the chapter: Treat Myself, by Victoria Justice

What happened two nights ago didn't fully register in my head until now—when Karmiah was out with Ben and I was left alone with my thoughts.

Karmiah was kind enough to let me stay here for a few days until Brad calls me and let's me know that I've been accepted for my new apartment. I hated that she looked at me with pity, which is why I've been pushing it all back.

But I was weak; I was lying on the air mattress in the den area, in the dark, now reliving every single moment Ryker and I had shared together.

Was it all a lie? Every single moment I had considered genuine, every time he opened up to me, everything he'd share with me...was it all fake? Just for show, to get me to let my guard down? Was his need to be in that ring and beat some innocent person, just because he was angry at the world, stronger than his need for me?

Obviously, Maddi. Don't be so naive. Why would a Greek god like Ryker really wanna be with you anyway if not for one thing? The one thing you begged him for. He didn't even want it; each time he tried to tell you, and you kept throwing yourself at him like a slut.

I push my hand through my hair, lying on my back. How could I be so stupid? Not see the signs? He wasn't boxing to release stress, he was boxing to practice, because he never stopped fighting. He didn't care enough about me, or himself, to stop fighting like he said he would.

Why couldn't he see that I only wanted him out of it to protect him? When that huge guy knocked him on his feet, I felt my heart drop. Everything in that moment slowed; it would've taken him two seconds to deliver a knockout blow, which he was on his way to do. But Ryker didn't care. He recklessly put himself in danger and risked his life, again.

Then my mind played a different scenario—what if he still fights because Olivia brought him to it? Olivia was his first, probably at a lot of things. First love? I wouldn't doubt it. Does he still do it to feel close to her, in some sick, twisted way? Does she still show up? Oh my gosh, was she there last night? The girl is obsessed with him, so anything is possible.

I huff, turning on my side. Olivia was his first, but he was mine. And as mad as I am at him, I'm even more upset at myself. Because like the desperate fool I was, I begged for him to touch me. I wanted him to take my virginity and he wouldn't. Know I know why: he didn't truly feel the same for me.

You see it all the time on tv, where boys just throw the I love you card to get into a girls pants. Well, Ryker did that and I let him...gosh, I'm such a fool. How could I have been so naive? So stupid? He never felt the same way about me. I just want to know why he set out to destroy me, emotionally and mentally, when I had been avoiding him anyway.

He pursued me. Why the hell would he try so hard? Just to break me? Just for some sick game? Because he wanted to teach me some kind of lesson for hating his ass for calling me fat?

The more and more I dwelled on it, the more and more pissed off I became. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep that mad, because I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache.

I didn't even wanna go to work, but I pushed myself anyway. I got dressed, pulled my hair up and headed out to Joe's. The morning shift was busy, as usual. But I didn't mind. It kept my mind occupied.

I didn't bother with smiles today because I was in no mood to pretend that everything was right in the world when it wasn't.

When I got out at one, I decided to get a bite to eat. I walked down the square, trying to admire the warmth of the sun on my skin. But when I turned the corner, my heart almost stopped beating.