Lost Memories

Chapter XI

Natasha is awakened by the regular beeping of the monitor next to her bed.  She groans and tries to sit up, only to be pushed back down gently. She looks up, and her green eyes meet two brown orbs filled with worry. Keeping a hand on her girlfriend's shoulder, Carol simply slips her chair closer before intertwining her fingers with Natasha's.

« Hey there, beautiful redhead, » Carol chuckles.

« Hey there, blonde hot stuff, » Natasha grins back.

She blinks rapidly, trying to chase the remaining fuzziness.

« How long have I been out? » she asks.

« A little more than a day, » Carol smiles softly at her « I have been up for only one hour. »

« Damn, » Natasha sighs, « this really took a lot on us. »

Carol hums. « It did... »

Natasha looks at the blonde, who has lowered her gaze to their hands. 

« Hey, » she whispers softly, making the blonde look at her. She cups her lover's jaw, gently tracing patterns on her cheek with her thumb. « Tell me what is bothering you. »

Tears fill up Carol's eyes, and it takes everything in Nat's power for her to resist the urge to hug her to her chest to shield her from the rest of the world forever. Instead, she goes on with her soft touch, waiting patiently for Carol to find the strength to talk.

« I could not remember you, » Carol lets out in a strangled sob « I could not remember when we met, still cannot remember all the moments we shared. »

Natasha feels her heart clench at Carol's words. That is probably the hardest thing of all. They were captured and restrained, tortured and beaten, but nothing comes close to the feeling of emptiness, of nothingness left by their stolen memories, moments they shared and lost. Years of love reduced to ashes. In prison, at least they had each other. They could support each other and share their sorrow. It was all gone when they were separated. Without Natasha, Carol's despair only grew, and consumed her until all was left was the quiet beaten girl Natasha and Steve found in the cell. As for Natasha, she knows now that her whole childhood is a lie. She was abducted at a very young edge, rather than in her teenage years. She had a lover, a soulmate whom she forgot about too. Right now, at this moment, the two women can only look in each other's eyes and grieve silently for what they lost.

Wordlessly, Natasha shifts on her bed and makes room for Carol to lay with her. When she does so, Natasha spoons her, taking her in a warm embrace. The small tremors coming from the blonde's body indicate that she is still crying. Natasha turns her around, and Carol takes the opportunity to bury her face in Nat's neck, her comfort place.

The tremors stop after a while, and Natasha pulls away just enough to look at her sleeping girlfriend, cheeks reddened and moistened by tears. The redhead kisses the tip of her nose and resumes their position. She runs her fingers through Carol's blonde locks and holds the blonde closer to herself. Here, with her soulmate in her arms, it hits her. They cannot go back. No matter how much they wish it, the past is the past, and nothing will give them all these years back. Anger boils in her veins, and she buries her face in Carol's hair. She will make this right. For Carol, for herself, for their love. She will find them, kill them all, makes justice. Ennemies, be warned. Because the Black Widow is on her way.

And she never stops until her mission is over.

***

« Let us run some tests, » Tony suggests, mouth full of pasta.

It is day two after the tiring journey into their minds, and all the team has gathered for lunch. Natasha, Carol, and Wanda are still on medical leave since their results are not satisfying enough for Bruce to let them wander as they wish. Yet, nothing alarming, according to him. « I am cautious » he would argue. Natasha and Carol feel just fine, even if they are not complaining about the downtime. At least this way, they have time for the two of them, using naps as an excuse to talk for hours, sometimes even more. Wanda, however, still suffers the consequences. She spends most of her day sleeping, only standing to shower and eat a little.