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NEARLY-DEAD TEEN GIRL FOUND IN ABANDONED WAREHOUSE

Sixteen year old Queens teenager, Xara Connolly, was found at 2:13am last Tuesday in an old abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of the neighbourhood. Four individuals were caught holding her for ransom – hoping to gain the passwords for the late Tony Stark's offshore bank accounts – by the famous Spider-Man who'd received a ransom video in which Connolly attempted to fight her assailants off.

Connolly was found to have been beaten by her attackers, with multiple wounds, and close to death. Immediately she was rushed to the nearest hospital, where after hours of surgery it is said that she is in a stable condition. However, Xara Connolly has not woken up since the event and her family have tirelessly been waiting by her bedside, praying for their little girl to wake from her coma.

The assailants were discovered to be known as Jayden Williams, Jared Atherton, Scarlette Williams and Mora Taylor, amongst the many displaced by the Blip. They have been sentenced with 25 years in prison each for first degree and aggravated kidnapping.

"I know who Spider-Woman is, and it is not her," Spider-Man reassured us after the event and the girl had been taken into hospital. "Spider-Woman uses a wig to throw people off, and these people just kidnapped this girl because their hair looked the same without realising."

A common mistake the public have been making, unsure as to whether it's Spider-Woman's real hair, but now that whole problem has been sorted out from the mouth of the Queens hero, himself. Connolly's family were unable to say anything on the kidnapping.

Rumours have spread speculating the famous Pepper Potts, wife of the late Tony Stark and CEO of Stark Industries, and the large donation she made to the hospital going towards this poor girl, but nothing has been said for certain on the matter. What can be said, however, is that presents have been pouring in to honour this girl's bravery, in the hopes that she will soon wake up.

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