Being Dead Sucks (OumaSai/SaiOuma) -Being Edited-

23

i big mad at the school computers for taking me away from my life source, wattpad >:(

but hey maybe i redeemed myself in the eyes of my almighty readers from my shitty pacing, so that's great

update: MOTHERFU- EW I HATE THIS CHAPTER SO MCUSAFHKJAShfkla PLEASE DONT READ IT ITS LTIERALLYT HER WHWORSHTHSFLJASLFAS FSJLFKA I ALKJRASjjJAjahgASs

THIS STORY WAS DECENT UNTIL THIS POINT WHEN MY REALITY SIFTHING OBEsSIONS HTI AND HTOS WITHS SJUST BATHDKJHDD hlaaAHGTASYURIKAJHRYGTAryuaiRUHYTYu *has extstental crisi cutely*

My eyes twitched restlessly as I tried to fall asleep, Shuichi's hand nervously gripped in my own.  I can feel Himiko's eyes on me. I can feel the expectancy and tension hanging heavily in the air. I know how much is riding on my shoulders, and that my life literally depends on me doing this. Well, not in the way the phrase is typically used, but I you know what I mean.

This is my first time trying the ritual to bring myself back, and might I say it's not what I expected in the least.

I was thinking something more along the lines of some sort of satanic ritual involving animals being slaughtered to appease some sort of dark god or whatever. That girl Himiko gives me intense cult vibes, no matter how much she insists that she's a mage. 

But now I'm laying on the bed in a dark room, trying to get to sleep, holding his hand, trying to visualize a place that I've never seen and apparently exists in my mind and I'm in right now. Great. 

According to Himiko, there's some kind of weird alternate reality that acts as the place keeping me tethered to the state of not being exactly alive or dead. It's just like me; stuck between the two, and it's apparently the reason I'm here. Half of my soul is there right now, and if I don't get that back, I'm pretty much fucked. 

The only way to come back to life is to get in there- which is incredibly difficult, by the way- essentially fusing with the other half of my soul temporarily, and then find the exit and leave, thus breaking the tether keeping me attached to this weird place. Apparently my soulmate or whatever needs to help me get there and it's impossible for me to go on my own, so that's what we're trying to do. 

The other way is to die somehow while I'm there, which would also break the tether for some reason, but she doesn't recommend doing so as I'll actually have the same wounds when I come back and it could be really bad for my health. Even though it sounds like an easy way out and a lot more easy than all that searching, Shuichi won't let me.

Catch all that? Probably not. I didn't really either.

I'm trying to think back. Find a place that I didn't even know existed up until now. I'm also trying to calm myself down as best I can, because I apparently have to fall asleep to get there. It's difficult, though. I've never been good at relaxing. And it's really hard to try and find something that isn't in my memories, at least not directly.

Think. It's a place I've seen before, I just don't remember. I've been there. No, I am there, sort of. Everything's riding on this. I can't screw it up like I do everything else. Think. Why don't I remember? I scoured my brain. All the places I've been in the past that I remember, which is a surprisingly short list. Nothing new is coming to mind that stands out.

Other half, you're really failing me right now. You suck, dude. Come on, give me something. Please.

Nothing. Not a single glimpse. I was thinking I would have gotten something to grasp onto and build on by now. That's the entire point. I have to find it, but I can't. I can't do it. It's not working. Damn it, damn it, damn it...