Pretty Kind of Dirty Face {Matty Healy}

12 // Girls

{where’s the fun in doing what you’re told?}

Walking up onto Cecily’s front porch, Matty handed me his keys. Seeing my confused look, he shrugged. “You drove, remember? I’m drunk,” he said flatly.

“Oh,” I said, taking them from him. “Right.”

After a large sigh, he knocked on the door and threw his arm around me. In his other hand, he held out the new bottle of wine for Cecily. Within seconds I watched him transform from his melancholy self into the bubbly drunk I wished I didn’t know.

Cecily opened the door shortly, George trailing behind her. She grinned and grabbed the bottle from Matty’s hand. “Thanks guys,” she yelled happily. Then she leaned forward and attempted to whisper in my ear, but instead just continued yelling. “Now you can go back to having sex if you guys want.”

I rolled my eyes and tried to ignore the hurt that was growing inside of me. No matter how much I wanted to deny it, I would have loved to have sex with Matty. I would have loved to even just sit and talk with him. But I wanted his eyes locked with mine, his lips attached to mine, his hands tangled in my hair.

But that wasn’t what was good for me.

Matty said that he loved me. But he didn’t understand. I couldn’t let him love me. He loved and lost girls practically once a week. And even if he said this was different, I couldn’t do it. I’d seen the effect he’d had on people Cecily was friends with, and it was never good. He would love me for a week or two before he realized that I wasn’t perfect. That would be it.

So I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go after him no matter how much I wanted to. It was all wrong.

Matty removed his arm from my shoulders and pushed past me into the living room. He grabbed George’s arm as he walked past him, pulling him  into a corner to no doubt discuss what had happened with me.

I ignored it. After all, what did Matty matter to me? He fell for me and I turned him down. I didn’t have the right to care if he talked about me. As long as he stopped trying to chase me down, our fun would be over. That was it.

I made my way into the kitchen with Cecily, requesting a large glass to fill with wine. She laughed at me. “We aren’t using real glasses, silly, they’d break!”

I rolled my eyes. “I know, Cec. But where did you put the cups?”

“I don’t know,” she said with a giggle. Just like that, she tipped back the newly opened bottle of wine and took a long sip. Then she handed me the bottle. “Your turnnn.”

I simply took the bottle and put it back on the counter, pushing it back toward the wall so Cecily wouldn’t accidentally knock it over as she twirled through the house. Grabbing an empty bottle from the table across the room, she grinned at me before announcing, “Let’s play spin the bottle!” She paused and looked at me for a second. “You’re exempt,” she whispered with a wink, “as long as you’re kissing someone.”

Thankfully Cecily’s senses weren’t as sharp as they should have been and she didn’t notice my lack of enthusiasm. If she were even half as drunk as she was now, she would have noticed something was up. She would have ushered me into the bathroom and made me tell her everything. Or she would have ushered me and Matty into the bathroom and locked us in there until we solved our problems.

But that wasn’t the way things were. Cecily was so far from being sober, she smiled and left without a second thought. I’d be surprised if she even remembered our conversation in another five minutes.

So, instead of being ushered into the bathroom with Cecily, I made my way upstairs on my own. Matty and George were still standing in the corner near the stairs, whispering to each other. I made my way past them with my head down, hoping they wouldn’t notice me ditching the “fun” of the party as everyone circled up to play spin the bottle. I went into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. Just as Matty promised, an orange juice carton was hidden in the cabinet under the sink, almost completely full with Matty’s favorite red wine. I closed the cabinet and sat on the tile floor as I unscrewed the cap and drank the wine directly from the carton.

I could still hear the music and laughter coming from below me, but I tried to block it out. With my eyes closed and my head back against the cabinet door, I could almost pretend nothing happened. It was just another one of Cecily’s parties that I was trying to get away from. No Matty, no mess, no hurt feelings.

But wait. I didn’t want to pretend Matty wasn’t in my life. Yes, the right thing to do would be to drop it and forget anything happened, to pretend that I was fine undoing everything. But it wasn’t even possible to forget or undo what had happened between Matty and me. There was too much there.

I took another sip of the wine and sighed. I should have probably gone home a while ago.  But then again I shouldn’t have fallen for Matty in the first place. I shouldn’t have gone to Cecily’s party. I shouldn’t have done any of this.

You know what? Fuck it. I was sick of doing what was “right” for me anyway.

I got up and put the juice carton back in its designated spot under the sink. With a deep breath, I finally got the nerve to unlock the door and head back down the stairs. I needed to find Matty.

It didn’t take long, considering he and George hadn’t moved from where they stood near the foot of the stairs, leaning against the railing and talking. The group that was playing spin the bottle had apparently moved down into Cecily’s basement, so it was just George I had to push past in order to get to Matty. They were still talking in hushed tones like they were before, but I didn’t care. I grabbed Matty’s shirt, pulling him down to my level, and did exactly what I was dying to do: I kissed him.

The person I was an hour ago would have never done it. But I wasn’t even sure who that was anymore. All I knew was that I didn’t give a fuck what anyone -- even myself -- thought I should be doing with my life. Matty might only hurt me, but it was a chance I was willing to take. Doing what was expected of me was never all that fun anyway.

My mouth met his in the kind of nervous, crazy, over-eager kiss where teeth collide. His lips parted slightly and his arms wrapped around behind me, pulling me in even closer. My heart raced as I let go of his shirt and let my fingers trail up to rest behind his neck. My tongue mingled with his before Matty pulled away with a small smile.

“What was that for?” he whispered, not letting me out of his grasp. His arms stayed tight around me, but I didn’t mind. After rejecting him all night, it felt so fucking good to just let that go, to get rid of all the pent-up tension that was keeping me at such a high-strung state.

I bit my lip and looked down to avoid Matty’s piercing gaze. “Nothing really,” I murmured back before giving him another quick kiss on the lips. He was far more reluctant to stop this time as I pulled away, his whole body leaning into me as he tried to kiss me more. “Did you want to get out of here?” I asked. I met his dark eyes and for once tonight saw something other than disappointment. I saw excitement, love, and most of all, passion.

George snickered from where he stood next to us, watching and listening to Matty and I. “You guys should head out,” he said, “I’ll let Cecily know where you are if she’s looking for you later.” I could hear the smile through his voice, but I wasn’t taking my eyes off the boy in front of me. And anyway, George making fun of us was the last thing I wanted right now. All I wanted was Matty. And I wanted him badly.

I didn’t even recognize what Matty mumbled to George as we walked out of my friend’s house. I was too busy being entirely fixated on the way our fingers fit together, the way my heart raced simply at the thought of him kissing me again.

A/N: Hi guys!! So sorry for the short chapter and so sorry for the long time between updates, but let me tell you I've got something good coming up ;) Remember to favorite and comment and let me know what you think! xo Sadie