To conduct the singing misfortune [Dazai and Reader]

The Universe Has Several Consistencies, This Being One Of Them.

"Osamu?" My hand followed its usual habit, my fingers curling around his sleeve as we strolled along the streets of Yokohama. We breathe in the sea air, small crowds move through, and we hear our shoes drag across the pavement. "Why do we have to get up? I want to stay in bed and simulate rotting for a few more hours."

"Don't be so silly! To annoy Kunikida, of course!" I perked up, looking up at him as the morning sun peaked over the buildings in time for us to arrive at work, "Do you have any new ways to irritate him?"

"Hmm... Nope! But, we can lounge around today." I translated his words. Something's going to happen today. "Yay!" I curiously hum a tune as I walk beside him. Maybe I can meet one of Osamu's past friends – there was one in particular that he knew I'd like. I think he described him as being incredibly short with a dumb hat. I shouldn't get my hopes up, though. His definition of an eventful day ranges from being arrested to trying a new poison and collapsing for a few hours.

We arrived at the cafe under the Agency floor. It wasn't too far from the company dorms but far enough that breakfast was forgotten, and the sweet treats in the displays would make me crave snacks.

The door opened with a small jingle, and I instantly set my sights on a particular stool. I skipped toward it, lept onto it, and swayed my feet. "[Y/N]? Give up my stool." I cheekily glimpsed to where Osamu stood tall, expecting me to yield, "N O spells no!" I crossed my arms, my grin widening. "[Y/N], don't make me do this," Osamu's fingers slowly lifted and reached out to me in feigned apprehension, "No! You monster, don't you dare put those hands near me!"

He did.

"Agh!! No! No!! Stop, I surrender– I-I can't– breathe," I choked on a breath, desperately holding onto the counter so I didn't fall off my stool.

I was lifted by my collar, freed from Osamu's terror, and my wheezing form struggled to remove itself from Kunikida's grip. "Let– me g-o, you ass!!"

"I did not enter this building to restrain two feral children, goddamnit!!" I calmed down, and my shoulders dropped, "Awee... All I wanted was to sit on my chair. Osamu, you stink!" My bandaged brother swayed from side to side as I was carried to the seats by the window. Atsushi sat there soon after, followed by the weirder siblings of the Agency.

I pouted, wanting to take no part in Osamu's dumb conversation.

A loud thump erupted from the table, and I glanced to where Tanizaki begged for forgiveness, "I'm so sorry!!" Atsushi seemed just as scared as I did. "Though it was for your exam, I was so rude!

Kunikida disrupts the apology, sternly pushing up his glasses as he sits on the stool beside Osamu, "What are you apologising for? It was all part of the job, Tanizaki." My brother giggles before making a small dramatic gasp, pointing at his partner, "Kunikida! You're being rude!" We watch as he brings his hand to his nose bridge, pushing up an imaginary pair of glasses, "Doppo poetry!"

"That's not it! I was told to do that!" Kunikida doesn't appreciate the imitation. Osamu leans on his palm, giggling as if Kunikida isn't yelling at him, and Tanizaki moves the conversation in a productive direction, "My name is Tanizaki Junichirou. I work as an assistant of sorts at the Agency." His 'sister' hugs his side, and the colour drains from my face. Oh no, they're introducing each other. I gotta get out of here, or my eyes will be burned.

I shifted out of my seat toward where Osamu was being shoved by Kunikida and decided it was best to sit on the stool beside Osamu, away from them. I tuned them out, deciding to ignore whatever that was and savour the rest of my innocence.

I dove my hand into my pocket, bringing out Fitzy 2.0 – Don't ask what happened to the first one. I made meaningless conversation with the frog, petting my finger across its cold skin. Osamu was too busy on my chair to contribute.