To conduct the singing misfortune [Dazai and Reader]

Dress Up

Little disrupted Chuuya from dragging me around the city on various errands, each one ramping up in stakes one after the other. I complained to no end and put the minimum effort in, but in the end, I'd managed to train my ability to kill an entire six-floor building of people individually in under five minutes.

Two days of training, and I'd become a weapon of mass destruction. It didn't feel great. But I was allowed to raid through Chuuya's prized possessions in the living room, so I guess it's not too bad.

I had hung up Sakunosuke's shirt to spare him from seeing anything like it, and I had taken down the mirror in Chuuya's guest room due to my guilty conscience. Kouyou gave me something else to wear at Mori's request, and I immediately suspected that I had fallen victim to the same practical joke as Atsushi and Akutagawa, each contributing an item of clothing to their scheme.

Walking back into the office, I was deadpan at their amused reaction – I was wearing an attention-grabbing all-black ensemble consisting of a Victorian blouse and loose-fitting trousers, and I was adorned with chains that obnoxiously jangled as I entered the room. I didn't mind it, as I'm sure Atsushi didn't mind his weird belt, and Akutagawa didn't mind his cravat. I was still peeved that they had dressed me up.

"This isn't even close to necessary."

"It'll make you more convincing!" Mori grinned, Kouyou smirking behind her sleeve, "Precisely!" Chuuya snickers, "Yeah, ya little imp." and I slap him over the back of the head, triggering roughhousing. I make fun of Chuuya for his own change in outfit. "You somehow got lamer!"

"Keep your mouth shut, mini mackerel!"

Despite our uninterrupted antics, Akutagawa's death and the disappearance of his corpse had gathered us in this room for a reason. His funeral had just been, and I wasn't allowed to attend. Neither was Chuuya since the shorty needed to guard me. Besides, the world below had dissolved into chaos. Vampirism. It ravaged the Port Mafia's ranks, only the executives safe and hiding. This was the signal.

Calming down and leaving me sprawled across the floor, Chuuya pulls out his phone and shows it to Mori, "Dazai's message was mainly about this. If we set everything up now, we can time it so the spread to the Port Mafia lines up with us setting off for Meursault, thus avoiding suspicion."

Mori nods, "Of course, of course. That's why I had this brought with us to the safe house. Kouyou." Mori regards the woman, and Kouyou opens a suitcase, "A little costuming."

I look between them, "And how are we getting there?" Chuuya grumbles, "How do you think?"

The case has a couple of small boxes of various things. Skin tones of different powders, pallets, contacts and vampire teeth. "Now that we understand vampirism well, it'll be a slice of cake for you both to replicate it. For example, Q's produces a handprint and causes hallucinations. It wouldn't be very effective to pretend to be something we don't know the appearance or mannerisms of... Now, come here, darling." Kouyou refers to me, patting the stool before her, "Say, have you ever worn contacts before?" I shake my head no, then sit in front of her.

Kouyou gently takes my chin between her index and thumb, applying various things to me as she talks. "That's quite alright. They're uncomfortable and it'll be difficult to see, but with your ability, that won't be so much of an issue, will it? Look ahead for me," Kouyou pulls my lower lid down, and I huff but do so. She took a contact and placed it over my pupil. "Noooo...!" I groan, and she keeps my face still via my chin, letting go of my lid, "Just blink a few times." She's smiling as she watches me, and I blink, seeing it's in place. "Now let me do the other," I whine more.

It's eventually done, and I look around, relying on my fog to see through the blinding contacts.

"Hey, hey, look at me." Chuuya snickers and I glance at him, turning my head his way, and his snickers turn into explosive laughter. "Shut up, Chuuya! You'll look like this too!" Kouyou turns my chin back to her, "Chuuya, dear, pass me that pallet." Chuuya puts the pallet she pointed to in her hands, leaning back on his stool.

"No, boy, no relaxing." Mori rattles a box of something, and I watch in the corner of my eye. Kouyou gently guides me to face her again. Chuuya makes a complacent noise, "Teeth? 'm gonna end up with a lisp." Mori chuckles, grabbing glue, "You won't be speaking, will you? You'll be making those nasty growls." Chuuya rolls his eyes and spits his gum into the bin, "Fine."

With us both in our disguises, I pull back my lips to see the teeth in the mirror, "Woah! We look just like 'em!"

Mori nods, "But that is not enough. From the moment you arrive in France, you will be under the orders of Dostoevsky. Do not waver, do not hesitate, do not reveal anything. I am sure you're capable, as is Chuuya, but you're both the crux of this operation. Slip up, and not only will Dazai die, but the world will not move onto the next stage as it ought to." Chuuya nods, looking at me, "Do as you've trained your ability to infiltrate the prison." I grin at his lisp, but he sighs, continuing, "Avoid looking at your brother." I huff, "I know all that, idiot!"

"Good, then we should succeed," Kouyou smiles down at me, a light in her eyes, and I tilt my head at it, "...You need something?" She grins a little wider, chuckling, "No, I'm merely seeing what that boy raised these past few years." She pinches my cheek, and I complain, swatting away her hand to no avail, "A little God of fortune that's gonna prove itself." I whine, "Stop...! You're reading into this way way too much!" Chuuya grins, ruffling my hair, "Awe, is the baby overwhelmed?"

"Just get us to that dumb prison already."

Mori disrupts with a cheery expression, bringing out his phone, "No, no! I need photos! I need at least thirty!" I cringe, stepping away, "No thanks." Kouyou smiles, "Maybe one photo will suffice." Mori pouts like a little girl, and Kouyou brings out her phone, looking at us like a coddling mother, "I need to show everyone how good of a make-up job I did before you both go ruining it." Chuuya grumbles, slapping me on the back, "One."

Mori and Kouyou had finished their makeshift photoshoot. Chuuya cleared his throat, "....Anyway." He adjusts his choker and leather jacket, looking forward to the window ahead instead of the elevator, grinning, "I heard you survived being dropped from that Moby Dick whilst it was in flight. That's good." I huff, "You couldn't just take the elevator down like a normal person?"

Chuuya takes hold of me, and I'm given not time to react to the awkward embrace before we're barrelling into the window, shielding me in his arms until we reach the nothingness of mid-air.

The only thing anyone could feel up here was the pull of gravity. But there's none of it. As if floating, I look down on the earth, being placed down. I squirm a bit, connecting the dots between his previous statement. He chuckles, seeing my winced expression scrunched until I'm standing on nothing.

A few moments pass before I open my eyes, realising I'm not falling. Taking a shaky step forward and getting used to feeling nothing under me, I glance at Chuuya, then back down at the city, "...Uhhh..."

"It's alright. I won't drop you, wuss."