Worth It [On Hold]

Chapter 7

Luke's POV

Chapter 7

(NOT EDITED)

My head was still spinning from the blow I took on the left side of my temple. I let down my guards and let my feelings swamp over my alert mind. I’m not serious enough, that’s my problem.

I’m too immature.

Too irresponsible.

I need to grow up, I need to stop acting so childish, and I need to be stricter, more in control. I mean look what’s happened because of me, I’ve lost her.

I don’t even know if I’ll find her.

The thought leaves a sick, empty feeling in my stomach. Things have only been going downhill. I still had trouble wrapping the idea that I wouldn’t ever be able to see my mother again. I needed to ask her so many things.

I’m not ready for all this responsibility.

I know Gabriella is my responsibility now. She has gone through too much. Horrible things no sixteen year old child on the face of this Earth should ever witness or go through.

She’s ruined.

Ruined beyond repair, because of me, but now she ran off, nobody could ever be able to read her. She was a closed book. With a lock that could only be picked open by her.

I just don’t know what to do. This is too much. Sometimes I just wish to end all this. Or maybe just pack my bags and move to another country. Start off fresh with Charlotte alongside me. Somewhere where we won’t be stalked troubled, tormented by our own flesh and blood or other men associated with him.

I can’t just drag Gabriella into all of this. What if she doesn’t want to? I don’t even know what she wants anymore.

I scold myself in silence, and then made a mental note to never let her out of my sight again.

At least when she was younger, I was able to make her happy by doing small things, but as she grew it got more and more difficult to even put a small smile on her face.

I remembered that dreadful night when she got kidnapped, and tormented both mentally and physically. The way she picked out of her handcuffs and unlocked the steel barred door and stumbled over to me. The night Kai died. The way she looked at me. The way Lottie turned her drowning eyes up to mine. The way they brimmed with tears and the way it all felt, the sight of her frightened pale face broke my heart.

The guilt felt like a stab to the heart.

I did that.

I did this.

The bruises that coloured her face and limbs, the scars and scratches, the cuts and blood, some dry and dark some still fresh and wet. They haunt me in my dreams; I never wanted our reunion to be that way or in that circumstances.

I wanted it to be near our tree where we both felt safe and at peace. But now even that has been taken away from us. Everything has burnt out. Like a single candle blown out.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so lost.

 Where do I go from here?

Normally I’m the leader in this squad, but I don’t think I’m really up to it anymore.  I don’t think anyone looks up to me anymore. I’m a failure.

Known by nothing but the guy that couldn’t protect his mother or younger sister, the boy who couldn’t stand up to his ‘father.’ I shook my head, clearing out my depressing thoughts and looked over at the time.