E L I X I R | L.T.

𝐭𝐞𝐧 | 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮

ari - nothing but a monster

machine gun kelly - at my best (ft. hailee steinfeld)

holly humberstone - drop dead 

WARNING: mentioning of drug addiction and sexual assault 

"Noah." Name which I have never wanted to say again. Name of person who poisoned my years in Nottingham. He looks the same, the same rotten to core person, who masterfully uses people to satisfy his needs.

What the hell he is doing in London? 

Girls fall in love with boys such as Noah. Bad boy with bad reputation in neighbourhood. Famous tale about a bad boy being good just for HER. Bullshit. It doen't work, it always ends with somebody hurted.

He is the ghost of the past, my worst nightmare. He was my "firsts". My first sex, my first serious and long relationship, first drugs I tried, first hungover and overdose. I still can't comprehend what he'd done to me or I allowed him to do with me in matter of year.

It was another shit party, maybe the fourth one this week. I was sitting on his thighs and Noah's arms snaked around me and wrapped around my waist harshly. I was used to his sharp movements, I always thought that it was his way of expressing his protection. I looked at him and traced the outline of his sharp jaw with my fingertip. He lightened up his second joint and inhale the smoke. I was slightly high and was mesmerized by his actions.

Noah glanced at me and said, "Want some?" I just nodded my head and his lips touched mine. I parted my lips and he exhaled smoke in my mouth. I wasn't keen on shotgun kisses, but when I was high it seemed hot for me.

"Noah, Vivian. Look what did I get." Jack, one of Noah's best friends, came closer to us with some pack. My vision was a little bit dizzy, but when I focused, I saw white pills in pack. I understood that there was some drug, but one joint mixed with some alcohol was enough for me for today and I didn't want to experiment tonight.

For Noah drugs were such a casual thing. During every party he could find a person who could sell it to him. He was a seller before, but he had bent one of the rules and had taken what he needed to sell.

"Darling, do you want some?" Noah said sweetly. I shook my head in disagreement. "Oh, baby, you should try this." He brushed his nose up my cheekbone and pressed his lips to my ear. "Be good girl. Try this. Do you want to upset me?" I shook my head. When his was upset, he became aggressive. If you did something he didn't like, his irritation grew higher with screams and shouts.

He took a pill and brought it closer to my mouth. "My sweet angel, open your mouth. Be a good girl as you are." I parted my lips and he shoved the drug into my mouth, and I swallowed. That was the last thing I remember from that night.

I shook my head to erase my memories, but they are walled up in my brain as disgrace of my teenage years.

Every decision made a scar. Every decision made back then is black stain in my soul and in my life. I wish I could build a time machine, go five or even six years back in time and do my best to prevent me meeting him.