You Had Me All Along

You Had me All Along - Chapter 1

Chapter 1

My oldest brother, Michael, moved across the country for college when I was fourteen. That same year, my dad took a job two states away; a promotion. He was gone during the week, only back on the weekends. Michael left in the summer and we wouldn't see him again until Thanksgiving. As a freshman in high school and my world so recently thrown huge curve balls, I was struggling. The twins, Dylan and Dalton, were sixteen, but they didn't exactly stick up for me or act like they cared much about me. High school was a new world, and most of my middle school friends had either gone to a different high school or were in new cliques by the second week of ninth grade.

That was when I met Carson Roy.

"Hey," a small, thin boy with curly brown hair stopped in front of me at lunch one day. I recognized him from some of my classes, but I didn't know his name. It was the last week of September. I'd spent every lunch by myself, sitting near my locker, for three weeks.

"Oh, uh, hi," I answered, putting down my muffin.

He crouched, so I didn't have to look up to talk to him. "You're in my History class, right. Mr. Wells?"

He was right, so I nodded. Was he here to ask me for help in the class? Give him my notes?

"Why you sitting alone?" he asked.

"Um, I guess I always do," I told him, realizing it sounded stupid.

"C'mon. You can hang with me. We sit in my brother's truck at lunch," he said, like this was nothing. "Oh, I'm Kaden."

I was unsure, because why would he just invite me for no reason? "I'm Arden."

"Uh, our names are similar. Weird," he laughed, then reached for my hand.

His brother, Dane, was a junior. We sat in the back of Dane's truck, and I watched as they passed around a joint. They didn't offer it to me, but they included me. The next day, Kaden found me again, as lunch began, and we walked out to the parking lot together. And it continued every day, just like that. It was always Dane and Kaden, and Kaden's friend Tristan. And Carson Roy.

Carson was a sophomore, and only seemed to be around a couple days a week. I never saw him inside the school, but he would show up out in the parking lot as lunch began. He was tall with broad shoulders and dark hair, usually covered with a beanie. He had this scar on his lip that I always stared at, until he caught me looking. He never spoke to me. He rarely spoke, at all.

A few weeks after I started this new lunch time tradition, Carson walked up to the truck. It was a Friday, and I was squished between Kaden and Tristan. The metal of the truck cab was digging into my back, but I smiled at Kaden when he looked at me, then nodded towards Carson. That Friday afternoon, Carson Roy asked me my name.

Dane spoke up, first. "To you, her name is freshman."

Carson looked confused. "What?"

"Dude, stay away from her," Kaden spoke up, shaking his head.

But Carson's eyes lingered on me a little longer before he tossed his back pack over his shoulder and shrugged. 

My classes were tolerable and by the end of October, I really liked the routine of walking to school, going to class, then meeting the guys outside for lunch. I usually brought a lunch from home, which consisted of fruit or crackers and sometimes a muffin. I had to grab whatever was there - my brothers never stopped eating and my mom was busy with work. I enjoyed eating in the back of that truck, listening to the guys laugh, get high, talk. They weren't bad kids. They usually went to their classes, sometimes they skipped the class that followed lunch. But they were always happy to see me, which made me feel good. Dane's girlfriend, Lola, started hanging out daily by November. She was tiny, with dark skin and dark eyes. She usually just sat in Dane's lap or made small talk with me. 

It was snowing the next time Carson talked to me. I'd seen him a lot, but it had been two months since he had even looked at me for longer than a second.

"Hey, freshman," he nodded, hopping into the truck. There was a space beside me, because Kaden was at home that day, with a stomach virus.

"H-" I began, but was interrupted.

"Dude, don't talk to her," Tristan said, smacking his arm.

"I'm not doing anything," Carson said, but smiled at me.

"Sure you're not," Tristan finished. "Leave her be."

Carson didn't say anything else to me, but he took the joint from Dane when it was passed his way. I kept my eyes off of his, because it would have been obvious if I was looking at him. And I was.

A few days later, on a day that he wasn't around, I was filled in about Carson Roy. I'd been curious, of course. And Dane and Tristan had become protective of me.

"I've known him a long time, like, since grade school," Tristan began. "He was a foster kid. I guess he still is. But he has had a rough life, bad homes, no one who cared about him."

I listened, but didn't know what to say.

"Arden, we smoke pot and skip class here and there," Dane spoke up, making me look at him. "But Carson is way more trouble that we are."

I forced a smile. "I can handle trouble," I told him, seriously.

Dane let out a laugh. "Right. Like your brothers would ever let you get into any real trouble."

I despised how Dane and Tristan and Kaden talked about my brothers, but they were right. Dane and Lola had classes with them; they knew them. But Dylan and Dalton were Jocks. They played all the sports, especially football. They were good kids, who planned on getting scholarships and playing college football. But while I knew they cared about me, they acted like I was more of a nuisance than anything. I just wasn't like them.

I wanted to know more about Carson, as the weeks went by. But I didn't dare asked Dane or Tristan about him. I continued to see him, now only once or twice a week, but it wasn't enough. I wasn't even sure if Dane and Tristan and Kaden liked him, because of how they acted. But I liked him. And I knew he wasn't someone I was supposed to like.

During the Christmas break, I stayed home, missing all of them, but mostly Carson. We'd still never even had a conversation with each other, but for some reason, I just kept thinking about him. I knew in the back of my mind that he would never like a girl like me. I was young and dumb and had two older brother who would probably kick his ass. Why would he be interested in me?

I turned fifteen in February, and Kaden brought me a cupcake that day, at lunch. He and Dane and Lola sang happy birthday, and Carson stood nearby, not really a true member of our group. He was just there, sometimes. But I wanted him closer, and more often. That day was the first time that I skipped a class, right after lunch. I just didn't feel like going back to school, and Dane, Lola and Kaden were there to keep me company. It was my birthday, after all. Carson stayed, too.

It was that day that I really fell for him. He leaned in close when no one was paying much attention, his lips practically touching my ear.

"Happy birthday, freshman," he whispered. He knew my real name, I knew that. But I didn't care what he called me. I had goosebumps all over my body for the rest of the day.

I knew my brothers would rat me out if they found out about me skipping class, but my mom worked late almost every day. After that day, I skipped here and there, but not often. I cared about my grades and keeping my parents happy. But I was starting to care a lot more about my friends, and Carson. I felt like I was at a crossroads, and I was pretty sure I knew which way I was going.