house of thoughts

☕ birthday

hah.. i think this would be my first rant on this book. and probably tak ada orang baca pun so i will go all out here and enjoy talking to myself.

i think the best birthday i ever had was when i was 11? sebab tahun tu dapat banyak gila hadiah unprovoked. lepas tu last time i dapat birthday cake time darjah 4.

bila dah naik tingkatan, i dapat hadiah sling bag from my bestfriend time form 1. tu pun not on my birthday. dia kasi hujung tahun sebab my birthday first half of the year and kitorang still in the process jadi rapat. time form 2, i dapat satu kotak hadiah from.. uh.. well.. you could say.. my scandal??? kotak hadiah tu ada 'happy birthday' punya decoration tu. something like this:

then ada small heart plushie. tapi yang jenis yang dapat kat kenduri tu. bouncy bouncy. faham tak hahahahaha. like i appreciate his effort in giving me birthday gifts but damn.. apa benda ni shjshjshj.

tapi yang tak menahan tu dia siap kasi i gambar dia.

i was so embarrassed sia. but not sure whether it is a first-hand or second-hand embarrassment. let's say.. both? sebab i have a crush on him and he apparently likes me back. but i never ajak couple why he gotta do me like that.

at the end i buang gambar dia while saying sorry dalam hati. on the same day he gave me that picture...

betul la orang kata. crush ni bila dia suka kita balik, rasa uncomfortable. sudahnya next month aku bagitau dia aku ada boyfriend kah kah.

that was a dark past la. sudahnya terjumpa dia balik time asasi. but he approached me and try to make things friendly. dia pun dah ada girlfriend rasanya. tapi itulah. still segan everytime jumpa dia. sebab teringat kisah lama yang memalukan ni shjshjshjs.

okay jauh tersempang ni. conclusionnya time form 2 i dapat hadiah tu. time form 3 form 4 i don't think i dapat apa apa. tapi time form 5 my bestfriend belikan official harry potter merch. ugh we are so in love with each other.

lepastu time form 1 to form 3, post gambar sendiri dekat ig everytime birthday adalah benda wajib hahahahah. seronok rasa dapat wish banyak banyak. tapi time upper form, i tak buat dah. start form 4 lah kot rasa tak excited time birthday sendiri. tapi still classmates wish kat kelas and group whatsapp.

tapi nak dijadikan cerita ni. bila i 18 tahun, i lowkey wish people don't wish my birthday. mungkin sebab i dah start malas reply mesej. apa kaitan? bila orang wish, kenalah reply woi. so every year, my birthday would be the most tiring day sebab kena reply mesej satu satu.

btw tolong ignore how i use both 'i' and 'aku'. i ada identity crisis.

it's not like i don't appreciate them.

tapikan. hear me out. bila dah besar ni, birthday wishes 90% dekat social media. 10% tu physcially pun sebab from family yang duduk satu rumah hahahaha

benda bila kat socmed ni, sincerity dia akan jadi a bit toned down. kau bayangkanlah eh. i dah graduate 3 tahun lepas. so group kelas sekolah menengah sumpah dah mati. tapi tulah. these kids never failed to randomly started a chain of 'happy birthday'. before this pun i selalu jugak jadi orang pertama wish kat group kelas pastu ramai ramai ikut.

but the thing about 'happy birthday' chain, it lacks sincerity. sebab akan ada orang yang join wish birthday out of obligation or to act nice.

i don't hate them of course. but as someone yang malas nak reply birthday wishes satu-satu, i prefer diorang tak wish langsung.

last year i ada jugak cakap publicily. i don't need birthday wishes. please don't wish me.

tapi rasanya ada orang ambik that statement as 'hint'. diorang ingat i drop hint yang birthday i dah nak dekat. hm.

bagi i, kalau you setakat nak kata 'happy birthday zu', tak payah buang masa. you tak penat, i pun tak payah reply generic phrase hahahahah. but i really appreciate people yang tulis birthday wishes ikhlas ikhlas. like dalam birthday wish tu dia doakan kita sekali. ha that kind of wish.

again, i tak adalah nak benci someone kalau diorang wish 'happy birthday'. everyone mesti ada good intention. just me and my anti-social self.

ha tu je nak rant. bye keh keh.