Cherchant (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Thirty-One

The woman you were sits opposite you in the dark, staring back at you with a baffled expression. As you stare at your non-reflection, a disturbing thought crosses your mind.

How simple it would be to abandon this old version of me. Like it never existed.

The act of fully embracing your history, all iterations of yourself, has always been paramount to the way you perceive yourself. Now, in the darkness of your bedroom, the idea loses all meaning.

Pleasure bruises and love marks on your skin shimmer in the moons-light, drawing your focus as your mind continues to wander the labyrinth of your dreams. You are burning up, confronted with mysteries. One thing is certain, this beautiful creature slumbering at your side cannot be caged... and neither can you.

— — —

"Hey, Mo!" You call.

Your blatant overcompensation for your inner turmoil is on full display. Your predawn musing has clouded your ability to behave normally. You can't stop thinking about your dreams but you want nothing more than to do drugs and party for days with the people who make you feel human, whole and loved.

So fuck it, that's what you'll do.

The Force might be demanding your attention but you are very skilled at distracting yourself with mood enhancers like sex and alcohol.

Bring it on, universe. It's settled.

You will be your old self albeit decorated with hickeys and a swollen lip. Speaking of, every time your teeth or tongue catches on the swollen flesh an intense rush of lust courses through you. Your sex drive has always bordered on lascivious but Kylo's dominance last night brought out an entirely new level of debauchery to your thoughts and the involuntary physical reactions that follow close behind them. You savor every aching step as you walk toward your friend.

I wonder if I could use the Force to heal these bruises and sore muscles, you think.

Where's the fun in that?

Kylo's voice in your mind catches you off guard. How long has he been listening to your thoughts? You study his expression but he doesn't give anything away. Instead, he sidles up next to you and extends his hand to Mo.

"Nice to see you again," he says, bringing her hand up to his lips.

You watch Mo blush and shift uncomfortably.

"Are you ready for the festival?" You ask, distracting her from Kylo's intensity.

"Yes! This is my first time actually... I've been offplanet literally every year I've been of age. I've heard so many epic stories!"

"The goal is to time the drugs with the festival kickoff at midnight because the opening ceremony is absolutely insane. I've never confirmed it but I'd be stunned to learn that the production wasn't specifically designed to transition from spectacle to rave," you tell her.

"How long do the drugs take to start working?"

"For humans? Oh an hour or so, it depends. For some species it takes almost a day. See that cerean over there? They probably dropped their dose yesterday and are barely starting to feel it."

Mo watches the beautiful long faced being, wondering after your words with her mouth slightly agape. You glance at Kylo and smile, squeezing his hand.

"It's your first time too," you smile at your lover.

He nods and pulls you into a one armed hug, pressing his lips to yours.

"Will this be like Coruscant?" He asks, a smirk pulling on the corner of his mouth.