Yearn For Agony // Billie Eilish

IX

Leilani

There's a disruptive chatter in the classroom as students converse with their friends during the last five minutes of physics class.

Almost everyone is standing up, waiting by the door in a crowd. Everyone except a particular individual with an alternative Pikachu hat on her dark head of hair.

She's leaned back in her desk, reading.

I know she's not lonely and is perfectly content with being by herself, enveloped in her own fictitious world. But I have this urge to call her over. Her sole existence brightens my mood. Even if I'm already happy, she makes me happier.

I've never had a friend like her. Our bond seems unbreakable and it's only been four months.

She's my person.

Don't get me wrong, Khalil and Fatima will always be near the top of my hypothetical list, but Billie is different. She's in a totally distinctive category.

It's like that fine line between best friend and significant other.

"Billie!" I call out, loud enough so she can hear me over the constant babbling of my peers.

Her head looks up quickly, immediately meeting my eyes.

I observe the familiar lopsided smile in front of me. Cute.

In fact, she looks really good today. Her outfit is definitely unique for someone who figuratively enjoys lurking in the shadows.

Plaid red and black slacks with a strange design running up the side of the leg, paired with a black and white striped sweater.

I can't get over how soft her sweater looks.

Billie closes her book and walks up to me, not before sliding in a bookmark.

"What's up?" She asks, nodding her head a little.

I silently curse to myself, quickly realizing I didn't have an actual reason for inviting her over here.

Oh!

I start to pull out my phone and search. "Have you seen this video? It's hilarious."

Once I've found the video and press play, her taller figure moves closer to me and bends down slightly, right next to my face to view the video.

I'm suddenly very aware of my breathing and my body stiffens, unsure of how to feel when she's this close to me.

Her lopsided smile grows wider as she chuckles lowly, her eyes scanning my screen. The bright light of my phone reflects off of her features perfectly. It's insane.

See, you don't know you're falling for someone until it happens. That's the crazy thing about feelings. They fuck with your mind. Discreetly, though. Suddenly you're laughing with your closest friend and then you're looking at her with the utmost amount of admiration.

I mean, it's Billie. How could you not look at her like that? Even in a platonic way.

I'm sure whatever I'm feeling is platonic. She's just naturally ethereal, that's all.

The ugly bell rings, making me tuck my phone away.

Everyone begins to leave and before Billie follows their lead, I stop her, abruptly remembering what happened last week.

I need to check in with her.

"All jokes aside, are you okay?"

Her lip twitches upwards. "Yeah. I'm better. Thanks for asking."