Temporary [H.S. || A.U.]

Chapter 21

The scary thing for me about feelings like the ones I have for Harry, is that they always leave me hurt. Nobody that I've ever dated has stuck around. Either they don't like that I spend so much time on work, like Eddie, or they can't deal with the fact that I'm more successful than them, maybe. I guess it can make a man feel emasculated when I'm considered the breadwinner in the relationship. Or maybe the people I have dated in the past have just found me weird after a while and got sick of me.

Any way you look at it, the result is still the same. They all leave.

And that's exactly what Harry can do at the end of this trip. Hell, he could even leave now if he really wanted to. It's not a far drive from The Hamptons and back to New York City.

Yes, Harry works for me. But he could easily avoid me at work.

What if he figures out that I have feelings for him now and it freaks him out and he doesn't want to see me again? That's happened to me in the past.

Or maybe my thought about Harry possibly having feelings for me is all wrong. He could just be a touchy and flirty drunk.

Now my mind is spiraling into a negative space. This is why I don't like thinking things through. Being impulsive keeps my mind from spiraling like this because I don't take the time to overthink my decisions.

I wish I had someone to talk to about all of this. But my sister, who usually gives me advice, thinks that we're actually dating. And my best friend, Alayna, doesn't always give the most logical advice.

Maybe I could text Janet. I mean, she was the one that suggested for Harry to come with me on this trip.

I should have just woken him up instead of using this time to think. But then again, laying on him like this is too good of a feeling...I want to enjoy this for as long as I can. May as well be a fool and indulge in this closeness with him while I still can. Because, like everyone else, he will leave me in the end too.

I already know that Harry is going to freak out when he wakes up. This feels similar to when I fell on top of him a few days ago when he was getting out of the shower and he was just in his towel.

That was so awkward and he looked so panicked in that moment. But everything right now is so calm. I wish that whatever plagues Harry's mind would give him a break one of these days and he could experience this calmness. Because the only times I have seen him embody any level of peace is when he is asleep.

I don't struggle with anxiety like he seems to. I can only imagine how hard it is to fight that mental battle every day.

The level of tranquility I feel right now in all of my senses is exuberant. The sight of the sunrise, the sound of the ocean waves crashing and the birds chirping, and the smell of the salty morning breeze, are all so relaxing.

But what is most relaxing is what I feel. I feel Harry's chest rising and falling at a steady rate with each breath he takes. I feel his arms wrapped around me, his hands relaxed and rid of any tension. I feel his chin lightly resting on the top of my head. I feel the warm skin of his chest pressed against my own.

After a few moments of basking in this tranquil state, I feel Harry start to stir beneath me. He lets out a deep groan as he does so and moves his hand that is around the small of my back up to rub at his eyes. I mean, I can't see him, but he always rubs his eyes in the morning when he first wakes up, so I can only assume.

In attempt to not freak him out too much, I close my eyes and pretend to sleep. Maybe if he thinks that I'm still asleep, then he will have more time to adjust to waking up like this and can collect his thoughts at his own pace.