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Have you ever felt......dead?
Like you're trying to scream but your head is under water?
Like you're trying to move but you're being bound by some invincible chain?
That's how I feel, now,
Except one thing is different.
I remember
I remember who I am, how I got here, my baby, the hospital , my hallucinations, what happened yesterday. I remember it all
More importantly,
I remember Dean.
I want to run to him, shower him with kisses, cry my eyes out and tell him how much i've missed him.
I'm 21 now, it's been two years since the incident and I can't help but imagine the amount of pain and sadness Dean must be going through.
I'm being kept in a simple room with one bed, the walls and the floors are made of soft materials. It's been a week since my ECT therapy and I've been trying to tell the doctor and nurses that I remember but of course none of them believe me
They still think i'm out of my mind because I can't speak, I can't even write properly.
I can't communicate
Dean walks by every evening, I know it's him because he sits outside my door and I sit there as well.
He talks to me and I always want to say something back but I can't and it hurts, it really does
I want to tell him I remember everything, from how we met outside a shitty club and he saved me before I got my ass beat by the bouncer
How I was the one who ate his last pizza roll and not his brother
I just wish I could tell him all of it.
But I can't
Literally
Everyday, I have four hours of ASL everyday.
I'm pretty fluent, I also sked if I could see Dean but the doctors said that I wasn't ready yet
