(This chapter is going to be kyoya writing his thoughts down in his journal. This has nothing to do with the actual storyline, so feel free to skip this chapter. Also, the dates are random, so don't pay any attention to that)
Journal entry one. February 10th.
Sometimes I wonder why I love Tamaki as much as I do because of how much of an idiot that boy can be, yet somehow he's still one of the few people that can make me generally happy. I honestly hated him when we first met, or at least I thought I did. My sister says it was love at first sight, and I'm pretty she's right about that... Somehow she's always had a way of seeing straight through me. She says I should confess to him but- as much as I want to, I can't. He's nothing but perfect, and I'm just the side character there to keep him happy. Of course, I'm ok with that. I value his happiness more than my own life; if he's unhappy, I feel as if I've failed my only purpose in life... That's why I appreciate Haruhi so much. She can make him happier than I ever could... I know he loves her, and I accept that because all I want is to see him happy. Even if I'm on the sidelines crying myself to sleep every night...
Today's the spring festival, and we have an event for it in the club just like every year. Tamaki looks impressive as always, but I had to wear a ponytail at the back of my head... I'm not fond of it at all, but Tamaki says it cute; I suppose I'll deal with it for him...
(here's a visual of that)
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Tamaki has been talking to me one on one less and less by the day... I can't help but feel like I did something wrong... Did I? Or did he find out that I liked him and decided to start avoiding me? Or maybe I'm just overthinking everything all over and... God damn it! Why does having a crush on my best friend have to be so goddamn hard! I'm not too fond of this. I hate having feelings for him. I hate overthinking every little thing he says or does to me. I'm not too fond of it... but I can't help but love him...
Damn it... I should stop doing this. What if someone finds this journal? They'd probably expose me to Tamaki, and my life would be over... My father would disown me if he found out I was gay this entire time. On the other hand.. it feels good to write down my thoughts... things get so overwhelming, but this helps... I don't know what to do...
It's Tamaki's birthday today... I don't know if I should give him what I got him... What if he thinks it's weird? What if he doesn't like it..? Oh... I'm doomed...
I gave it to him. He liked it. I'm glad he liked it; it took me forever to get it perfect... I told him I found it in a store and got it for him... That was a lie; I made it... but he doesn't need to know that. Plus, he's too dumb to be able to figure it out...
Alright, confession, so not happening! Never again. Never... He doesn't need to know...! We're best friends, that's good enough for me... God damn it, I hate this...
Ok, so I'm going to buy my father's company out from under him and then give it back to him. That will show him I am capable... right? Also! My father wants me to marry Haruhi... I'd much instead give her to Tamaki, honestly though I want him for myself... She makes him happy, so I'd be ok with either. If I suffer for his happiness, I mourn for his joy. It doesn't matter if I'm unhappy...
I wonder why Tamaki likes Haruhi so much. He barely even knows her... I've known him for years... why her and not me..? Is this jealousy? God, I hate this! I'm not too fond of this... I want him to be happy, but I also what him for myself... What's wrong with me..? I should stop being with him so much... maybe if I do that, these stupid feelings will die down...
So I bought this thing from our club. We made these figures of each one of our members, and I may or may not have purchased the one of Tamaki... I couldn't help myself! It was so cute I had to... God, what is wrong with me...
I'm throwing this journal away! I don't want it anymore! I hate reading over my stupid thoughts and calling myself dumb for being this obsessed with my best friend! And what if someone finds this and reads it? Then I'm doomed! Damn it...
