𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍: 𝟷𝟷:𝟷𝟷

𝚊𝚗𝚡𝚒𝚎𝚝𝚢.

"He is so handsome," Mr. Cosentino said, holding Malachi as he looked up at Kairi, "He is, he has Mattia's smile, even though he has no teeth," Kairi said with a laugh, rubbing tired laugh. "Happy to be a grandpa?" He asked, and Mr. Cosentino nodded. "So happy," He looked back down at Malachi and pinched his cheeks.

"Goodnight my love," I whispered to Malachi, getting on my tippy toes and leaning over the crib, kissing his forehead. I looked over at the small white clock and felt sick seeing it was 11:11, seeing or hearing that time always made me terrified.

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"Kairi?" Dr. Amelia asked me, I looked up and hummed a reply, "Are you alright?" She asked me, folding her legs and leaning her clipboard on her knee. "Yeah...I'm alright."  I shrugged, looking down at my lap and brushing my pants  off, "Then why would you be here?" She asked me.

"Hmm...I duno," I said with a pout, "You're here because you wanna talk about your problems, and what your feeling." She said.

I looked up at Dr. Amelia and saw the soft smile on her face. I've been going to therapy ever since Mattia was shot. And thank god that he doesn't know about it. He would probably make fun of me for it...or tell me to stop going.

"I think you have anxiety Kairi," She said, I looked up at her with a shocked look, "Jeez, just like that I have anxiety?" I asked her, she laughed and sat up, "The way your acting, you told me you had an attack the day Mattia was shot. And the way you explained it and-and how you felt. It-it sounds like you had a panic attack." She told me.

"You've said you had trouble falling asleep than other times you'll be fast asleep. You also said you feel like your worrying when there's nothing to worry about." She said.

"Well, that's probably just something else...there's no way I have anxiety..." I told her, shaking my head. "I'm sorry Kairi...other patients that I've told about their anxiety, they never accept it too...but at some point in life you need to know." She told me, a sorry look on her face.

"But I've never had the symptoms before," I mumbled, and she laughed quietly, "It could come from trauma...like seeing your boyfriends mother with a gun to her head, and finding out your baby daddy was shot...and thinking that he is gonna pass away and leave you all alone with your newborn son, the fear of having to raise him all by yourself. The gut-wrenching feeling of him one day asking 'What happened to my other dad?' that...that is the trauma that caused this-" She was telling me before I yelled.

"Stop! J-just...just stop," I told her sternly. "I'm sorry Kairi...I shouldn't have gone there," She apologized, putting her clipboard down on the desk in front of her. I sighed and shook my head..."Whatever," I muttered under my breath.

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"Are you okay?" Mattia asked me, closing his laptop and looking over at me, I took my glasses off and put them on the side table. "Hmm, fine, you?" I asked, laying back and turning to look up at him. "I'm alright? you just seem weird...are you sure?" He asked me, putting a hand on my leg. "Just tired...imma go to bed...night," I said, turning on my side so my back was facing him and closing my eyes.

"Hmm," Mattia said, I smiled feeling his body pressed up against mine, "Are you sure?" He asked, kissing under my ear. "Yeah, I'm perfectly fine," I replied, tucking my hands under my head. "I meant, are you really tired?" He asked, putting a hand under my shirt and on my waist.

"Yeah...that's why I'm about to go to sleep," I said, looking over at Malachi's crib, "Please," He asked, Mattia ran a hand through my hair which made me tilt my head back a bit before he started kissing down my neck. "Hmph, I'm not in the mood Mattia," I told him, putting a hand on his chest and pushing him away. "Maybe next time," I told him.

"You said that last night, and the night before that, every single night before that," He said, laying back and putting his laptop on the table beside him. "So? I don't wanna Mattia," I shrugged, closing my eyes and trying to fall asleep. "You said that's how it starts, we stop talking, we grow apart, then Malachi has to deal with his parents not being together," Mattia told me.

"So your saying I need to have sex with you so we can stay together?" I asked him, turning around to look at him with a confused look on my face. "I never said that-what-your putting words in my mouth," He said, sitting up and giving a serious look. "That's literally what you just said," I told him, pushing the blankets off of me and standing up. "You haven't been in the mood for weeks now. Why? Just tell me why and I'll leave you alone." He said as I put my socks and slippers on.

"You know why...I've been feeling insecure with my body and you begging me and making me feel guilty doesn't take that feeling away. So fuck off and let me be." I said, leaving the room and closing the door behind me, careful
not to slam it because Malachi was still sleeping.

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"You are such a cute baby, y'know that?" I asked Malachi, leaning down and kissing his cheeks. He was laying down in between my legs, reaching up and trying to grab at my shirt. "You like mickey mouse?" I asked him, pointing at the small sticker of mickey mouse that was on the pocket of my shirt doing a weird pose.

"Don't worry, me and Papi will be fine papas," I said to him, tracing my finger over the letters on his shirt. "You are one of a kind, my sweet boy," I said to him with a bright smile. "Mama loves you," I said, taking my phone out and taking a photo of Malachi's tiny hands and his shirt. "You wanna go see Uncle Ale?" I asked him, he started flailing his arms around which I'm gonna take as a yes. "Okay, I'll call him," I told him, going on my contacts and scrolling until seeing Ale.

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i literally love the main photo <3 AND THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR IDEAS FOR FUTURE CHAPTERS.