Pogue on Pogue- JJ Maybank

Chapter 10

( I imagine a day between the kegger and when the cops show up at John B's house because of DCS. So that's what this is, but in the beginning it's still that night. I'll explain in the story)

Once everyone else gets in, we start heading to the Chateau. Everyone else is talking, but me and JJ just sit there in silence, hands intertwined, both stuck in our own head. We finally arrive at JB's place and Pope and Kie go home. John B goes inside and JJ and I sit on the porch.

After a while I start to come back to reality and the silence is deafening, so I break it.

" Hey, JJ?" I ask. I see him break out of it when he turns and looks at me.

" Yeah?" He replies.

" We were just trying to help right?" I ask, tears filling my eyes.

" We were just trying to help." He assures softly, putting his arm over my shoulders, pulling me close, also assuring himself in the process.

" I'm sorry." I tell him.

" Ken, You didn't do anything wrong." He tells me.

" Maybe if I didn't piss him off more by threatening to kill him, he would have let JB go, maybe I just made it worse. Maybe if I hadn't done that, then you wouldn't have had to use the gun, ya know?" I explain, crying more.

" I was already going to use it, you just got there first, this wasn't your fault." He explains, wiping the tears of my face.

" JJ?" I ask.

" Mj." He answers.

" I love you." I tell him slowly, meaning every word of it, meaning it in a more than friends way, meaning it in a "I wanna spend everyday with you" way, in a " I would do anything for you" kinda way, in a " I'm in love with you and I wanna spread the rest of my life with you" way.

" I love you too." He replies, but not the way I said it, he replies the way we always say it, not slowly, not too meaningful, he says it like he's saying it to a friend, which in his defense, he is.

" No, JJ, I don't mean it like that, I really mean it." I try to explain.

" I mean it, you're my best friend, of course I love you." JJ says, still not getting it, it frustrates me.

"Dios mío , JJ!," I scream " I like you, like-like you, not as a friend, not as a best friend, as in a " I wanna date you" way, you idiot!" I explain, just standing there waiting for him to say something, anything.

I stand there for what feels like forever, just waiting, but finally I grab the last of my dignity, and my bag, and walk away. On the way home I think about, and regret what I did. We were both vulnerable and emotional and I should have just waited, or never done anything. But I'm also kinda glad I did, for a second it felt like a weight had been lighted off my shoulder's before the weight of his no-answer rejection set in. I realize that I have fucked everything up but right now, all I gotta do is get home.

I really wish I had my car right now, it is at my house but since JB always picks me up, I almost never drive it, except when I go to work. Work, I'm hungry. I decide that tomorrow I'm gonna go to the store and get food for JB's house.

" Shit!" I yell at myself, realizing I left most of my stuff there, I put it all on JB's chair when I got ready to go to the kegger, at least I have 1 outfit in my bag. I guess it doesn't matter because I'm going there tomorrow, but for some reason it still bothers me, I feel like I need to go get it, but I don't because I don't want to risk JJ still being there.

After a while I finally get to my house, I check the time to see that it's 3 AM. He should be asleep, I really hope he is asleep. It's been another 3 days since I have been home. I look in the window, he is asleep on the couch. I go around to the side of my house, and lucky me, my window is open. I go inside my room, lock my door, and pass out on my bed.