Ryan
Much to the annoyance of us both Valentine's Day falls on a Thursday this year, And on Thursdays, we have hockey games.
This particular Thursday, we have a game against each other.
I've been playing hockey since before elementary school. It's my fucking sport.
Can I throw a football? Yes. Will that get me a scholarship to college? Also yes. Is it the sport that I plan my tv viewing around? Fuck no.
I'm that kid that watches OTHER teams play hockey when my team isn't in the running. I know their stats. Their scores. I know the rivalries.
Because of that love of hockey my intense pride in winning and being good, TK and I have our first-ever fight, as boyfriends at least.
I can't blame TK. He had the puck, and I had to get it. I checked him hard into the Boards. Hockey isn't a gentle sport.
I can't blame TK for what happened after the game. He was just so calm when I felt like total shit about it.
He just shrugged it off like he always does. I don't know if I was mad that he wasn't mad at all or if I was mad that he wasn't mad like me.
It goes back to a conversation we've had over and over. He's important, and his feelings matter. I reminded him of that, and he just shrugged again.
"It's just one game, Ryan. I'll be ok. You're ok. You won," he said.
"Ugh. Get mad. Be mad. You're never mad, TK," I shout at him in the parking lot. I'm his ride home, and I was looking forward to it.
I am mad and annoyed. So I push him to get mad at me. "Fuck, mom would say that's not healthy," I think to myself.
TK stops moving, and he turns on me with a face that I've never seen on him before. It's cold, dark, and full of anger. "Don't. Fucking. Touch me," he growls, and I actually take a step back. "I don't get mad cause when I get mad, I can't control it. I don't get mad cause that solved nothing in the past. Don't touch me." He says again as he points at me. Then like a switch goes off in his head. He's back, and he looks upset, but not at me. He's upset at himself.
"Damn it, TK. Stop being broken. I just want to care for you," I think to myself.
He starts to walk away.
"Wait. TK. Baby. Don't leave. I'm sorry," I say and move in front of him, but his eyes are still cold.
"Don't. Don't push me to the edge. I don't want to be like my Dad. That my biggest fear," he says, and I hear his voice crack. "I don't wanna hurt people...like he did."
Then it hits me like a ton of bricks.
"TK. Fuck. I'm so sorry. I was just up in my feelings, and you weren't, and it made me feel dumb. That's on me. Baby, I'm sorry," I say, pleading. The last of his resistance starts to come down.
I reach out to him but stop cause we are out in public still. No one's here, but you never really know.
"Baby. I'm sorry. I need to work on that, and I will. I promise," I say, and I know I mean it.
He looks at me with sad puppy dog eyes.
And he nods.
"Thank you. Wanna get food with me? It's late, but we're worth it," I say with a smile. The kind that usually wins him over.
He shakes his head, "not tonight. I'm tired. Hockey is harder than soccer sometimes." I see him rub his shoulder.
"I'm sorry I checked you. I don't care if you think it's fine. I'm sorry," I say.
YOU ARE READING
A Fresh Start
RomanceTyler Kennedy, likes to be called TK. He's a freshman in high school, and loves soccer. He is also a survivor. He is gay and he is just trying to move on from his trauma. Ryan is a jock and has a massive crush on the soccer player, but needs to fig...
