PLMAILY 2: Loving You Forever (The Architects Series #1.5)

EPILOGUE

She's been a good mother and a wife even though I treated her really bad. She accepts it all, kahit na halos ikamatay na niya ang sakit na nararamdaman niya. I've been a ruthless devil and yet she stayed by my side and took all the pain.

I find my way into the chapel of the hospital and cried my heart out.

Then I silently prayed, "Please give my wife the strength. to overcome this. I don't want to lose her again. I need help from her to guide our kids until we let them go and have the family of their own. I need to have a companion until we reach the age of forever. Please tell her not to go yet and I swear we will bring her dreams do come true -- to have a happy and loving family."

BUMALIK na rin ako sa tapat ng operating room at nadatnan ko na roon ang mga magulang namin. I hugged my Mom to at least gain some strength.

"She can do this, she's a strong woman," she encouraged me.

We patiently waited for hours and I kept on comforting the kids. As a father, I shouldn't be showing any kind of weakness. But, what can I do? This kind of situation is the least that I can't handle.

All of our attention was locked at the white double-doors of the OR. Until three nurses hurriedly went outside. The two proceeded and the last one stayed. "Family of Mrs. Del Valle?"

"I am her husband," I declared.

He turned to me and tapped my shoulder. "She's too weak to do the operation. Her immunity system cannot handle the pressure. The cancer cells were spread all around her body and she keeps on bleeding, which is we can't stop." He looked at all of us. "We're expecting for a miracle. So far, only seventeen percent survived this kind of cancer."

I just nod and I can hear the cry and gasps of the people around me. I looked at each of them and found out that my son is glaring at me. "Mom don't deserve this, Dad!" I heard him growl. He pointed me and stood up. "Mom was selfless for the three of us and you, you are fucking ruthless!"

"Lexus!" I heard Larzene hissed.

"Wala na kayong nagawa kung hindi ang magkapihan! Si Mommy rin naman nasasaktan, 'di ba? Sana nga kayo ang nasa posisyon niya ngayon para maramdaman niyo kung gaano siya naghihirap dati pa!"

I looked at my son, with question in my head. "You knew this, Lexus?"

"Since day one, Dad." The tone of being sarcastic was painted in his voice. "You didn't even care that the symptoms were already showing. Mom used to scream in pain every night and you just ignored her, even you, woman." He turned to Larzene.

"Have some respect, Lexus!"

I sighed. "Stop the fight, you two. Nasa harapan tayo ng mga lolo at lola n'yo."

MY EYES kept on staring at the double-doors and I was still hoping and praying for a miracle. Marami pa akong pwedeng sabihin sa kanya. Gusto kong mapatawad niya ako sa mga sakit na idinulot ko sa kanya.

Nanginginig ang buong katawan ko. Pinagpapawisan na rin ako. Malaki ang tiwala ko sa Kanya. Malaki rin ang tiwala ko kay Zaira na isa siya sa mga magiging matagumpay na Cancer Survivor.

My nervousness stayed in my body.

Until, finally, the double-doors opened. I immediately ran to the doctor.

Please tell me she survived.

Hingal na hingal siyang tumingin sa akin at umiling. "I'm sorry...we did everything we could...but, she didn't make it."

It seems like I've lost my sense of hearing when he announced it. "What do you mean she didn't make it?! You're lying!"

"Xander Marc," my father called me.

My Mom hugged me and kissed my shoulder. "Wherever she is right now, I know it is the safest place, anak."

===

Xander,

My eternal love, my Eros, my Agape. I love you -- so much. Do you know what's worth living? Having a simple life with you and the kids makes my entire existence feels so...complete. I never imagined that I will be having you as my husband and my companion in life. I endlessly thank God for the three most precious gift I've ever received -- you, Larzene and Lexus. Having the three of you around is already enough to make me breath and smile every second, minutes, hours and days that passes by.

I have decided to write this not for a goodbye but to express my last words to you. I know I have made a very deep hole in your heart. You never fail to let me feel the agony, the pain and the betrayal for what I did...and while reading this, I'm asking you a favor to give the remaining two for our most precious kids. I'll entrusted you with that. I have my own letters for the each of you.

Hub, my tears are not stopping from falling while writing this. I will forever regret what I've done to our family, because literally, I broke it...crashed it into pieces. You will forever hate me for it, but my love for you...will remain. My heart breaks if I will say goodbye to you, because literally, I will not do that. I know, we will still be seeing each other again, and when that time comes, I will be witnessing you with Jexamine.

Right now, I am giving you the rights to let Jexamine be the one who will be with you throughout your life. I know, you will certainly agree on this...right?

I've observe on how you look at her and how much you admire her as a woman...and I envy her for being the one who is capable of making you happy. Hub, you're free now. You can build new family with Jexamine...and if that happens, I'll make sure to be the happiest for you.

Thank you for letting me experience how you care, how you laugh with me, cuddle with me and most of all...thank you for letting me feel how a Xander Marc S. Del Valle love. Now, I'm advising you to let Jexamine feel that love more.

The thought of it makes me clap my hands and jump for joy. Because, I know that she is the one for you. We may be destined to love each other, it's just that...'forever' is not for us. But, remember this my man...I love you, I love you.

Loving you forever,
Zaira.

Three months passed and we are all adjusting and coping for the situation. I never let a day that passes by that I am not reading her letter for me...but, with the favor she wants me to do -- I just can't do it. I don't want to.

We made all the preparations for that very day that we let her go. Starting on that exact day, my son treats me more coldly. The blame was all on me and I should accept it, he despise me as his father after all.

And it is all my fault.

I never thought our family would ended up like this. It is just painful to see my youngest can bear this treatment around us.

I let out a deep sigh as I recall the beautiful memories that we shared as husband and wife and as the parents of our kids. My tears started falling when I heard her say, "I love you...I love you." My knees trembled and gripped the sheet of the bed and breathed rapidly.

I glanced at our large wedding picture and I let my raging tears fall in my cheeks. I regretted the days I treated her so badly.

No any other woman can compare to my wife.

"I..." Struggling, my fingers caressed her face in the picture. "I'm sorry, my wife. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

I grab the medium-size frame from the bed-side table and which my favorite picture of hers was being printed. I smiled painfully...how can I such be a cruel to her after all these years?

Since that very day, I was not able to tell her how much I want to hug and cuddle with her, but I just couldn't. It is because of the pain that I went through, and it is my biggest regret not to open my eyes on how I am being worst to her.

And for the last days and months with her, I never said that I am endlessly loving her.

Mahal na mahal ko si Zaira -- ang babaeng ginawa ang lahat para mapatawad ko lang siya. Pero, ipinagkait ko lamang iyon.

"Zaira..."

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