Forget-Me Not

Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own '99 Luftballoons' (or 99 Red Balloons in English) it belongs to Jörn-Uwe Fahrenkrog-Petersen (music) and Carlo Karges (words) and Nena. I really liked this song and when I discovered it was originally performed in German I knew I had to include it in one of these fics at some point. Anyway on with the main event.

     After about a week after I came home, Ludwig had to return to work. At first, it was nice to be alone with the quiet and no worries about my lost memories. Just me and The Great Gatsby (and occasionally Francis or Alfred).

     Then, it became too quiet and my doubts returned. At least when Ludwig was here, I had more of a distraction and I learned more things about myself. But now, it was just me, a headache, and an empty feeling. At least it was Friday and Ludwig would have the next two days off.

     Having done all the reading my body allowed me, I made my way over to the record player that sat in the corner of the living room. Apparently, I really liked old things and music, so Ludwig had gotten him this record player when they moved in together last year. As I sifted through the multiple records of 80s rock and pop, a tune came to mind. I could not recall the lyrics, but the upbeat tune was clear as day. As I searched for some music to play, I hummed the song in my head softly, hoping to possibly find a record that contained it.

     I must have become very engrossed in the song because I didn't hear Ludwig come home. It wasn't until he sat down beside me, singing softly along to my humming.

     "Neunundneunzig Luftballons

     Jeder war ein großer Krieger

     Hielten sich für Captain Kirk

     Das gab ein großes Feuerwerk

     Die Nachbarn haben nichts gerafft

     Und fühlten sich gleich angemacht

     Dabei schoss man am Horizon

     Neunundneunzig Luftballons"

     I didn't understand the lyrics, but I couldn't help but nod along to the beat. I stopped humming however to listen to the voice beside me. It was deep and rich, but warm at the same time. I found myself leaning against him, embracing the bubbly feeling growing in my chest. 

     "What's with you?" He asked, breaking me out of my daze.

     "Huh?"

     "You're being very affectionate. Not that I mind it...it's just..."

     I felt my whole face burn red and I pushed away, feeling suddenly too warm. Ludwig seemed to reach out to stop me, but he stopped mid-action and quickly shoved his hand back down. I felt bad. And the whispers seemed to grow loud once more: 'He's going to leave. He'll hate you. You can't give him what he needs.'

     "Sorry," he said as he got up, "I'll go make dinner." As he headed to a kitchen, a little part of me wanted to go with him, but my negative thoughts quickly shut it down.

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     Ludwig was distant the next morning and I couldn't blame him. I kind of freaked out on him yesterday after all. After an awkward and silent breakfast, Ludwig had gone to my room? Our room? I don't know anymore. I guess it was our room, but Ludwig had set up the guest room and had been sleeping there so as to not make me uncomfortable. In our current situation, it was technically my room.

     I wouldn't say I was a snooper, but I had followed him to the door, putting my ear against it to try to make out what he was doing. It sounded as though he was talking to someone. There was a phone on the nightstand, so he must have called someone. Unfortunately, the door muffled the sound and I couldn't make out what was being said.

     After a few minutes, I heard shuffling which made me immediately stand up and rush back to the living room. The thought of Ludwig catching me made my heart beat fast and not in the warm and fuzzy kind of way. I threw myself on the couch, trying to look as natural as possible.

     As he entered the room, he gave me a quizzical look. He appeared to want to say something, but must have decided against it as he silently took a seat beside me. "I was thinking we should go out and do something today," he eventually said.

     "Okay...what did you have in mind?"

     "Well... Maybe we could walk around the park. It's only a block or two away from us."

     "That sounds nice," I said, feeling a smile on my lips.

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     The sun may have been shining, but there was a cold breeze constantly blowing. Although I was happy to spend time with Ludwig, the weather kind of destroyed a lot of my enjoyment. Ludwig had once again gone quiet, further dampening the day. At least it had finally stopped raining (which it had been doing for three straight days) and the fresh air beat the stuffy apartment.

     I was really trying to enjoy the day, the air was thick with tension and the guilt from yesterday still lingered.  Ludwig seemed very tense all morning and he only seemed to relax slightly when I agreed to the outing, so I didn't want to bring the mood down further. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to matter as Ludwig remained stiffer than usual and kept giving me awkward glances.

     Suddenly, Ludwig gripped my hand and dragged me to a nearby gazebo. "What's wrong?" He asked once we were under the structure.

     "What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you?"

     "I...uh...um...y-y-you've been quiet. Too quiet. And you always look sad or lost in your thoughts...and...I-I'm...worried."

     It was as if everything stopped. He looked at me with hard, but concerned eyes that seemed to look into my soul. He squeezed my hand most likely to encourage me to talk. Although it was sweet for him to be concerned, I couldn't bring myself to tell him. The more I thought about it, the more my concerns seemed stupid and considering how well put together Ludwig was, the situation was even more embarrassing. At the same time, I still felt like I was burdening him and I wished he wouldn't put up with me. But as he held my hand, those thoughts seemed to quiet slightly.

     "I know talking about these things can be hard for you. They...They're hard for me too. Take all the time you need, but just know I am here and I will listen and you may feel better afterward." He rubbed his thumb over my knuckles and whispered, "m-may I?"

     Although I was unsure of what he meant, I completely trusted Ludwig so I nodded. Ludwig brought my hand to his lips, placing a soft kiss on the back. He pulled away with a bright red face reaching to his ears, but there was still a small smile nonetheless. For a moment we just stared at each other, just getting completely lost in each other's eyes. At least, I was getting lost in Ludwig's eyes. They were really pretty. A nice light blue that became electric when the sun hit them. They were like the sky, just as endless and just as comforting.

     Eventually, he pulled away, shaking his head slightly. "W-W-We should...go get lunch." Though Ludwig seemed very flustered and embarrassed by everything that had just happened, we left the park hand-in-hand. Despite a small voice telling me to let go, I only held on tighter, enjoying the warmth it brought.