Cato walks me to room and I start to feel antsy. This is the night. I'm going to prove myself, to myself. I am no-one's pet, I am my own body. Cato opens the door and leads me to the bed. I look at him half nervously and half excitedly. We are officially married but I feel a little nauseous.
"Are you okay?" Cato asks probably noticing my pale face. I nod weakly and I feel my knees buckle. Stop being so weak, I tell myself.
"It's just the fire, it will always be traumatizing. Who made the cake? Probably Peeta" I lie, to change the subject and he nods. When did Peeta have time to make that? I lay next to Cato and we sit in silence for a while.
"I know it's a tradition, to you know, on the first night of marriage but we can wait. You are a special case" he says smiling and grabbing my hand. I smile gratefully but I don't know if waiting would help.
"Thanks for the offer, but I think that by waiting, it makes it worse. It would just fuel even more anxiety" I say quietly. He nods and turns to face me. He kisses my forehead and places his hand on my waist.
"I love you Cato" I say, but this time it's not for reassurance. I roll over onto him and he strokes my hair. "I think I'm ready" I say unsure. He nods and we start to kiss. I hold him close to me and he reaches for my dress. I sit up and he pulls it over my head.
"Clove" he says quietly. I turn to face him and he smiles "You're perfect and I'm so happy to have you as my wife" he says with a smile. I blush and lean onto him again.
"If I have to strip, so do you" I say with a smirk. He laughs lightly and pulls off his shirt. I run my hands down his perfect chest and I stop over his heart. I feel the rhythm as it pulses through me, softly. I sigh and Cato pulls me closer.
"I love you" he says between soft kisses on my neck. His hands run down my side and I shiver, but not in fear.
"No offence" I start awkwardly "I don't want kids so let me take care of that" I get up, half naked, and grab the anti-pregnancy pills and swallow two. I walk back out and lay next to Cato.
"You all good?" he asks nervously. I nod and run my hand down his toned chest some more.
"This might sound weird but your chest is calming" I say, gazing into his eyes. He smiles and kisses my cheek. He rolls over on top of me and kisses down my neck softly. His hands press against my sides and I sigh loudly. His hands reach my underwear and he holds them there.
"You're 100% sure about this?" he asks gripping my underwear carefully. I nod and he pulls them down. He runs his hands down my scars to my core, causing me to shiver. He starts to pulls off his pants, with quite a few grunts of frustration. He feels down my legs and kisses my stomach sweetly.
He finally gets everything off and he smiles down at me. I start to get nervous beyond compare. It's not like I haven't done anything, but the stuff I have done was by force. What if I can't please Cato or if he wants more. I shake the thoughts out of my head and he smiles lightly.
He runs his hands through my legs and 'lines himself up'. The moment he enters me is so bipolar. A rush of stinging pain and pleasure flow over me like running water. I have the urge to scream and moan at the same time, but I can't. I'm too stunned and amazed. This feeling starts to fade into pure pleasure and I let a few accidental moans.
"Clove, you're so perfect" Cato says as we finish up. I sigh loudly and roll over onto him. I kiss him repeatedly and laugh. He's glistening with sweat and I'm as happy as I've been, since before my Games. Life seems so much simpler now, I don't have a irrational fear anymore, it's been rationalized. Not in a bad way, of course.
"Clove, were you afraid of me?" Cato asks pulling me close. I nod but I have to think it over. I look at him sadly and try to force a smile.
"Not afraid of you. I was afraid I wouldn't be enough. Ever since the second Games, I've always wondered if men could damage me as much as they did Cashmere. When they took me, I started to realize they would. I was just scared you were the same, but you aren't" I say smiling and kissing him lightly.
"So you were afraid of what men could do? I'm sorry, I should have been there" he says holding me tightly, I sigh and he smiles down at me.
"I'm gonna get ready for bed" I say walking off to the bathroom. I wash myself off, the only good thing about this not being my first time, blood. I slip on a tank-top, long enough to cover my legs a little. Cato walks in, still pretty much naked and steps into the shower. I attempt to brush out the fancy braid but all I can do it tangle my hair even more. I sigh and try to bun it around itself.
Cato pulls back the shower curtain and pulls his towel around himself. He shakes his sopping hair out and smiles at me.
"Ready for bed?" I ask, while pulling him to the bed. I sit him on one side and jump over his legs, to the other side. I lay on his bare chest and he holds my back to his. I kiss his cheek and run my hands from his collar to his waist. I sigh and we fall asleep together.