Blue [Chaelisa]

thirty four

"It's not a matter of you, Lisa," she whispered, reaching out to tilt Lisa's head forwards. "Look at me, I want you to really hear this," she said quietly. Lisa's eyes flickered up to meet hers and the girl offered her a small nod.

"You had no control over him. What he did? That was all him. You didn't ask for it. You didn't do anything that deserved what he did to you," Chaeyoung took Lisa's hands in both of hers, meeting her eyes. "What he did is only a reflection of himself. I guess that was his way of expressing his anger. A fucked up way, at that."

"People who aren't happy with themselves think it's their duty to drag everyone else down with them, too," Chaeyoung explained, watching Lisa's dark eyes flicker down to their hands.

"He was not happy?" Lisa asked after a few moments of silence. She looked up at Chaeyoung, who nodded softly. The Thai girl furrowed her eyebrows, unsure about how she felt about that. "Why?"

"There's no excuse for what he did," Chaeyoung reinforced the fact. "From what I've heard from you, he seemed like a very unhappy person from the start. Maybe losing his sister and his wife just pushed him over the edge," she shrugged softly, making sure to watch Lisa's expression closely.

"I feel bad..." Lisa whispered, looking down at the ground and remaining silent for a few moments. "Maybe... maybe it was okay," she shrugged, glancing up at Chaeyoung. She instantly regretted what she said when she saw her girlfriend's expression quickly change.

"He has no excuse for what he did," Chaeyoung shook her head. "You were going through the exact same thing as he was at an even younger age, and you never resorted to violence like he did."

"But..." Lisa whispered. She saw how serious Chaeyoung grew, though, and quickly sighed in defeat. "It is just hard," she confessed, absentmindedly playing with Chaeyoung's fingers.

"I know, babe," Chaeyoung sighed, reaching up with her free hand to smooth out Lisa's hair. "It doesn't go away overnight," she continued. "But one day, you're gonna wake up and realize that it's over. All those chains that were holding you down are going to be gone. And trust me, it's going to be the most refreshing feeling for you."

"And he may have had a bad post, but that's no excuse for him to throw those burdens on someone else," Chaeyoung studied Lisa's face. The Thai girl simply nodded, keeping her head hung down to the ground. A sudden realization hit Chaeyoung.

"He blamed you for it... didn't he?" Chaeyoung whispered. Lisa froze, and Chaeyoung immediately knew when the Thai girl's hand tensed in hers. Hesitantly, Lisa looked up, giving Chaeyoung a soft nod.

Seeing tears forming in her girlfriend's eyes, Chaeyoung scooted next to her girlfriend and pulled her into her arms, allowing Lisa to rest her head on her shoulder.

"It wasn't your fault," Chaeyoung whispered, kissing the crown of Lisa's head. "They loved you, Lisa. They loved you so much. It's impossible not to," Chaeyoung kept her arms wrapped tightly around her girlfriend. "They would never blame you for what happened and you shouldn't either."

Lisa didn't respond, but Chaeyoung knew she had already planted that seed of knowledge in the girl's brain. She just held her, being there for her in silence. They sat like that for a while, in quiet comfort.

"Why did you stay?"

Chaeyoung tilted her head to the side when Lisa's quiet question broke the silence. Lisa shook her head, taking a second to reword her question.

"You just... you have not left me. Ever," Lisa mumbled softly, to which Chaeyoung nodded in acknowledgement. "Why?" Lisa whispered, lifting her head and meeting Chaeyoung's eyes.