HIRAETH - P. PEVENSIE (2)

II. Atelophobia

Atelophobia - the fear of imperfection or not being good enough; an extreme fear of failing to achieve perfection in any of one's actions, ideas or beliefs.

❦

It was just as beautiful as she remembered. The trees shook in the light breeze that blew through her soaking-wet hair. The sky and ocean were beautiful shades of blue. The grass was a vibrant green, with little flowers sprouting out randomly. But Edmund was right; there weren't any ruins in Narnia when they left.

They had been wandering said ruins for the better part of an hour now. So far, all Lilith had managed to find was more rubble and a new kind of flower. She had immediately gone the opposite direction from Peter, knowing that if he got her alone she would cry. Maybe he had noticed, though she doubted it.

She was doubling back when she saw Susan holding up something that glimmered in the sunlight.

"Hey, that's mine! From my chess set!" Edmund reached for it, examining it closer.

"Which chess set?" Peter and Lucy had come up to them now, and Lilith looked straight at the ground. She couldn't meet his eyes again. She would break down, and this was not the time nor the place.

"Well, I didn't exactly have a solid gold chess set in Finchley, did I?" Susan snorted at Ed's sassy reply, which brought a small smile to Lilith's face. Along with the smile, tears began to blur her vision. God damn it.

"I wonder who lived here?"

"We did," Lucy must have finally realized what the ruins around them were, for her face lit up. She began to run at one of the raised platforms, her siblings and Lilith trailing behind.

She turned to face them. "Don't you see?" She grabbed everyone's shoulders, pushing them into a line. "Imagine pillars there, and a glass ceiling." It started to form in Lilith's mind, and she gasped in shock.

"Cair Paravel," she said, her voice barely a whisper. Peter reached for her hand beside himself. She let him take it, giving it a small squeeze. Edmund was the first to break away, going over to a boulder on the ground.

"Catapults,"

"Pardon?" What did that mean?

"This didn't just happen." He turned to face them, nodding back to the boulder. "Cair Paravel was attacked."

❦

"What's going on with you, Lil?" Peter's voice cut into her thoughts. His hand was still in hers, though her hold had gotten looser as they walked. She shook her head, still looking at the ground.

"Nothing. I'm fine." Apparently her tone wasn't as convincing as she thought, because he was suddenly standing directly in front of her. His hand moved under her chin, tilting her face up to his.

"Why won't you look at me?" He sounded hurt, but Lilith knew she would cry if she met his gaze.

Maybe honesty was the best way to go in this situation. "If I look at you, I'll cry." Her voice broke a little on the word cry, her nostrils flaring. Her lower lip began to quiver as she took in a deep breath.

"Hey, guys," he called to his siblings. He had moved in front of Lilith so they couldn't see her face, something she appreciated greatly. "We're going to be a minute. We'll catch up after." They nodded and kept walking, giggling at each other. With his siblings gone, Peter looked back at his girlfriend. She was looking out at the ocean, her eyes cloudy.

"Then cry," he said quietly, not touching her any longer. He would let her decide what she needed. She looked at him, her face contorting with a sob. She seemed to almost fall forward as she pressed her face into his chest, grabbing his shirt tightly in her fists. His arms wrapped around her almost suffocatingly tight, but she only pressed herself closer to him and cried harder. He stroked her back and whispered sweet things in her hair about how much he loved her. The words only made her cry more, if that was possible. Not once did he ask her what was wrong, just let her get the tears out so they could have a reasonable conversation afterwards.