Growing up, I have always been daddy's little girl, every thing was planned out for me, I got all the love and attention a child could ask for.
Their love sheltered me from the darkness of the world, but also everything that wasn't their love. I always had this feeling that something was out there waiting for me to find it. I wasn't going to find it at home.
I needed a way out.
Graduating from secondary school provide an opportunity to be out in the world. I would get to leave and see a part of the world and maybe find my own place in it.
It has always been my dream to be an artist, not that my parents supported it, but drawing/ giving life to a blank canvas gave me live. It makes me see beauty in ways that only I can create.
Making my father come to term with my decision was one of the hardest things I had done in my life, but thank the lord that I had my mom.
I applied to four school total: two in UK,and two in the states. I got rejected by three schools. so I went to New York with Laura.
I'm not proud that my father still pay's my bills, but adulting is shockingly expensive. Who knew being an artist doesn't really pay much, I would say I'm talented but not money making talent. My creation were things only unique to me ,and I did not want to ask for help from my papa.
"Hey girl." My roommate and bestfriend
Said.
"Laura can you pass me the remote?" I asked stretching to get it myself.
"Chiara Marino you can't keep sulking for a bitch who did not deserve you in the first place." She said but I didn't reply.
"There are plenty men out there, who would treat you better than he did." She said.
"Life sulks and I'm not getting anywhere."
"Maybe my parents were right." I said.
"You are not going back to Italy. We fought so hard to be here." She said.
"Papa was right I can't do anything without them, I'll be 25 Laura. I have got nothing going for me." I said
"I'm unemployed and still living off papa. I should just go home and work in his company like he wants." I said.
"Hey! you can get a job here,and do something with your life instead of sulking." She said angrily you could hear her Italian accent.
"You are right." Who the heck in their right mind is saying no to an Italian woman.
"Get dress, go out to the world." She said going back to her room.
****2weekslater****
"I can't believe you are quarter century years old." Audrey said.
"Don't make me feel old. It's not like you are you are young." I said.
Audrey and I have been friends since our freshman days. We were roommate and we just clicked, years later we were still friends. She is twenty four by the way.
"To new beginnings and being single." I said raising my glass.
"Just two weeks ago you were jobless and heart broken. Now you have interview on Thursday, I'm so proud of you." Laura said.
For my birthday I didn't want much just my friends, alcohol and chocolate cake.
"Sophie why are you quiet?" Laura asked. We met sophie at a party in school can't even recall how we became friends, but I guess cheap alcohol would do that to a person.
"Sorry I'm having a shitty day." She said taking her shot.
"You want to talk about it." I asked
"And ruin you party. Hell no." Sophie said
"Come on, we are your find and this right here is the time to talk about shitty situation, there is wine." Audrey said.
"I don't want to talk about it." Sophie said
"Lets get drunk and forget about our worries." I said
We all past out in the living room and woke up hungover with back pain, regretting our life choices. The week past by so fast, the day of my interview came and I got called back the five days later to start the following week. Every thing was finally going my way, Yay me.
The day before I become a working class citizen, I decided it was a good idea to go for a run at 1:00am to wear down my body so I could sleep.
That decision ruined my life.
I put on my running shoes, after getting dress while sharing my location with my friends, and I took my pepper spray just incase, that did not save me from my demise ; Quietly walking out the house in order not to disturb Laura.
Months later I still regret that decision.
It been a long time in this dark enclose space, the first thing I noticed after waking up was seeing others with me and then it hits me, I was taken away forcefully.
It's been awhile and I'm getting used to it, seeing a girl leave and not coming back. People were dying all around me, I keep hold myself back from vomiting cause I sleep in it if I did. Every day I wonder if I would be next or if death would come for me like it did some of them.
I cried myself to sleep thinking of how easy my life was before all of this. I should have stayed at home, I wasn't think well and this is what my actions got me. A life that would no longer be mine.
To keep my sanity I tried talking to the girls around me to gather information, but no one knows anything or are not willing to share. I met this girl called lily and she is the only good thing about this situation.
Every day in here is a struggle, every passing moment is like it's going to be the end. It finally came; I was being dragged out with a blindfolds on and my hand were tired with a heavy chain that I feel hold others because of the pulling. This is my final destination, my own dump site, where my life ends.
