Devils Daughter | ✔︎

G U I L T

Lorraine Lebedev

"Ms. Preobrazhensky is suffering from TBI, traumatic brain injury. Her current state from the wound is penetrating when the projectile enters the cranium, but does not exit."  The doctor explained, as he went through Katina's medical files.

Dante squeezed my shoulder out of comfort. I gave him a small smile, and sighed.

"So, when do you think she will wake up?" I demand. He adjusts his spectacles and clears his throat. "Well, the projectile itself went through the brain, there is injury from both the direct penetration of the brain and from transmission of a pressure wave with high-velocity projectile traveling through the brain tissue. Both bleeding and damage from this pressure wave results in brain swelling, which can also lead to death."

I shook my head. "No, you did not answer my question." I complained, crossing my arms.

"Ma'am..." Dante trailed off.

My shoulder's fell in defeat. All I wish is for her to wake up. It's my fault she's battling for her life right now. It's my fault she is unconscious laying in a hospital bed.

Everything is my fault. I did this to her.

And I promised, I promised she will return home safe.

"Is it possible for you to feed us the details of her injury?" Dante asked besides me. "The bullet wound went through the right frontal lobe tip toward the forehead and well above the base of the skull which is likely to cause relatively mild clinical damage. As we speak we are checking If the  blood pressure and oxygenation can be maintained then an urgent CT scan of the head is obtained and if needed we will proceed with surgical treatment."

"I am surprised that she survived, not many of my patients have made it out alive when it came to a  gunshot wound head trauma." the middle aged doctor announced.

"Katina is a fighter," he said. "She really is." I whispered.

The doctor shared a warm smile with me. "I'll update you as soon as possible," he stated before walking away.

I removed my jacket and folded it in my arms before taking a seat. Dante sat beside me then ruffled my hair.

"Don't worry kid. She will be okay." He reassured me.

We sat in silence for the past 30 minutes, All I could think about was Katina.

The guilt suffocated me, the heavy feeling in my chest and lungs made it difficult to breathe. How am I going to tell her family? What will her parents think of me, they will see me as a monster.

I can already picture their faces, glaring at me with pure hatred and disgust. Tears welled up in my eyes, blurring my vision.

I am a bad person.

I am a bad friend.

"Lorraine! Lora!" A sweet voice calls out my name. The corner of my eyes crinkled and my heart sank when I saw my mother rushing towards me.

I immediately stood up and ran into her arms. Her lavender scent filtered my nostrils, she wrapped her arms tightly around me and stroked my hair.

I burst into tears.

"Oh, chérie." She whispered into my hair (translation: sweetheart)

I tightly grip onto her shirt, A great tremor overtook me as tears raced down my cheeks.

"I ruined her life." I cried out my voice cracking at the end. "I-I ruined her."

I didn't let go of her, I never wanted to let go. I felt safe in my mother's arms. Her love protected me from the world and right now, her love is protecting me from myself.

I'm slowly becoming my worst nightmare.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

I gently traced the lines on Katina's palm.

My gaze swiveled over the couch, glancing at my mother who had a blanket wrapped around her body to keep her warm, her fox hair tied neatly in a low bun, skin flawless and pale, her breathing was calm with her eyes closed as she slept peacefully on the couch.

A tv played quietly in one corner, a distraction that might help keep my mind off the stitches on Katina's shaved head.

I raked my fingers through my hair and sighed.

I've been in the hospital for ten hours. After Katina's surgery Dante bought some food for us. My mom decided she will stay with me and Katina. I didn't eat much, and did not have the appetite. I couldn't sleep as well.

If I tried, I would be dreaming of her. So I just decided to stay up.

"I'm so sorry Katina." I whispered.

I took a quick glance at her pale face and my stomach dropped.

"I never get to tell you this but I love you so much. You're my favorite person and I would take a bullet for you, literally. The first time I saw you in a clothing store when you helped me pick out a dress for my mother's charity event, I knew that you and I would be trouble makers." I chuckled lightly, brushing away the gentle tears streaming down my face. My smile faded and I was startled when a hand was placed on my shoulder.

I glanced over my shoulder and relaxed when I saw my mom. She kissed my cheek then said. "Come on, we will visit her once we are done preparing everything for your birthday."

I turned to look at Katina and sighed.

"I wish she would be there."

"I know the baby, but Haletta is coming with her mother." She announced. My brows pulled together. "What about-"

She dismissed me by shaking her head. "No, don't worry about it. They are coming for you, not me." She stated.

I rose from the chair and wrapped my arms around her neck, resting my head on her chest. "Thank you." I muttered. She rubbed my back before pulling away. "I'll do anything for you my love." Her gentle voice warmed my heart, easing the ache and guilt I've been drowning in for the past 16 hours.

"Let's go." She said gathering our belongings and heading towards the door. I followed behind her, before I excited her room I took one quick glance at Katina.

"Lora!" My mother called out.

I cleared my throat and finally closed the door behind me before I walked over to my mother.

-

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