in a lot of my classes I just stare at a screen with my brain thinking about songs and animations I could do later or sitting there laced with guilt that I haven't done any or half the home work I needed too that day, in fact now at the time of writing this I have to read 3 chapters in a book, watch no less than two 15 min long lectures and fill out pages about them, read and take notes on three documents that are all about five pages, study for a French quiz, research for a project, and probably some more things that I'm probably forgetting by tomorrow and it's 11:43pm.
now I'm not going to blame that on the schooling system, that's honestly all on me but it's not my fault that I'm a kinesthetic learner and schools don't really let there be kinesthetic learning in the classes, now that may just be me being so used to covid that i don't remember actual class but it feel's that science is the only "required" kinesthetic class while other classes kinda just talk at you about what you're supposed to do.
and I'm an introverted, ADD kid and my attention span is the size of a dime but I do like learning like I watch ted talks, I watch science video's and math video's and any time people tell me about science and math topics it's normally very interesting and so is history, I think it's very important and interesting. but somehow school had made me hate learning to the point of sincerely thinking of just skipping class and dropping out, and sadly the only thing keeping me in is friends and that my parents will do some thing about it.
I've herd this as an analogy someone used and it said "if you judged a fish's worth by how it could climb a tree, that fish will forever think it's an idiot" and in the schooling system they judge your level of worth from grades so if you get an A you're amazing and if you get and F your a failure... how does that word sound? sounds like "give up", or "stop trying" or even "you have no worth" and coming from someone who has 3 of those failure points, though it's numbed from the immense anguish and peril it gave me before it's still laced with "YOU didn't try hard enough" and "YOU'RE the problem" and also "YOU need to fix you're ways" now I'm not the only one, I've had multiple friends tell me about that their parents and feeling like their school's are telling them their the problem or that their smart enough just that they don't "apply themselves"
well from someone who get's that a lot.
Shut it, there are different types of smartness like the phrase book smarts and street smarts. no matter how much you "apply your smartness" to a problem if that problem is directed for book smarts people a street smarts person isn't gonna understand it any better, like if you put a book smarts person into a street smarts situation they wont know how "apply themselves" to the situation. and if I'm using the phrase applying yourself wrong, then hecking explain it too me because I don't get it and no one will explain it and they use the same words each time, and when I try to do it, it doesn't work anyway so who the hell cares anyway.
anyway the school system isn't made for people like me who have issues with being able to focus and oh my gosh I just want too get back too real school because my entire worth for my future seems too be based off nothing but gpa and how I do on test's, because my mom and dad only talk about that for the future and not the fact that other opportunity's are out there without the need for high school, and it feels like every adult in my life is telling me I'm worthless without good grades and perfect scores in all other tests...
if you can't tell I don't have a high ego so thinking about this isn't that good for me really. so i'ma going to do those assignments i was talking about earlier... or maybe not, who knows. anyway bye.
So this is the morning after i wrote this and i just want to note: that last thing i want from this is sympathy, in any post i have, the last thing i want is sympathy. What i want from this isn't compliments and nice things people can say in fact i have a hard time with compliments with other things too. All i want from this is more awareness if you or your child or grandchild is struggling in school that they are not alone. And it might just not be completely their fault.
Anyways really this time, have a good day. Bye.
