The Seventh Sense is Love

Sentimental Value

Meredith sat in the gallery watching as Derek gave a lecture to a bunch of eager, wide-eyed interns. For some reason she found all of them extremely annoying at the moment. While she loved hearing, her husband teach - and she was extremely glad that he was still so happy doing it - she needed him right now. It irrationally irked the hell out of her to have to wait for him.

Meredith sighed and shifted in her seat as she felt another uncomfortable tightening in her back. She didn't know if this was labor or not and didn't want to interrupt Derek's lecture for a false alarm. She certainly did want to describe the feeling to him, though. And just have him be with her. Ian was due in eight days and Meredith had been feeling very selfish about her time with Derek since the baby shower. Fortunately, he was feeling the same way. Dr. Chu said what they were going through was completely normal and they should relish this last bit of couple time together. They were going to be parents for the rest of their lives.

Thinking about herself and Derek as parents - as Mommy and Daddy - had Meredith smiling, even as slightly panicked tears filled her eyes.

"What has you feeling weepy?"

Meredith jumped a little and then turned to give Miranda Bailey a watery smile. If someone had told Meredith during her intern year that the woman, she simultaneously feared and worshipped would someday be a very close friend - she'd have laughed herself silly. Yet, that's exactly what the two women had become. In answer to Bailey's question, she said, "I'm thinking about the fact that Derek and I are going to be parents any day now."

"You're scared," Bailey stated.

"Yes," Meredith admitted. "I'm excited too but mostly scared."

"Everyone is afraid of parenthood at first."

"I'm not worried about Derek as a dad," Meredith said. "I'm worried that I'll be a horrible mom, though."

"Why?" Bailey asked in surprise. "Any fool can see that you're already crazy in love with your son."

Meredith smiled and automatically rubbed her stomach. "I do love him. I'm just afraid," she trailed off and shrugged her shoulders. Then she continued, "I'm afraid I'll turn out like my own mom. She had me, but I often wondered why. I never came first, second, or even third for her. There was always a patient, a surgery, someone or something ahead of me. Before I met Derek, I was a lot like my mom in regard to medicine and surgery being my life. I'm afraid I'll make Ian a low priority because that's all I ever knew."

"You won't do that," Bailey replied adamantly after swallowing the emotional lump forming in her throat.

"How can you be so certain of that?"

"Meredith Shepherd," Bailey said in her no nonsense voice, "you mother was a cold robot and you are anything but. When you fell in love with and then married Derek you knew he was blind but that didn't stop you from giving your heart to him."

"What -"

"I'm not done," Bailey snapped. "You have managed just fine to create a strong and happy marriage with Derek and still have a flourishing career. Now the two of you are having a baby together. Is it going to become more of a juggling act? It certainly is but the two of you will manage parenthood together just fine. Got it?"

Meredith didn't know if she wanted to laugh or cry, so she took a big breath and then let it out in a loud whoosh. "I'm just trying to make it all mesh together and sync up perfectly and it's not happening."

"Of course, it isn't happening," Bailey laughed. "Life is messy."

"Yeah," Meredith sighed again. She looked down into the gallery and smiled as Derek looked up and grinned at her. Feeling suddenly calmer, she grinned back and gave a small wave. Then she said to Bailey, "Medicine and surgery used to be my whole life."