Being Myself

Midnight Memories

Little rant about the song. Let me tell you...it will fit perfectly with the chapter. Also, this song actually is Zayn ft One Direction (no offense). The lyrics are so deep and emotional. It is relatable to many of us. For me I can connect to this song a lot. I am half a heart without One Direction. Yes I admit it. Anyways. Hope you enjoy!!

The picture I think is self explanatory. Right??

Harry's POV:

Me and the boys were in our hotel rooms. We had finished an interview and were currently just talking. We were all just joking around and trying to keep the mood light. Honestly I don't think we will ever be able to fill the gaping hole of Zayn. But we can always choose to avoid it by making jokes and trying to lighten the mood. It's usually Louis who makes the jokes even though it is pretty evident at times that he is in no mood of making jokes. That's the only thing we can do. Even Niall laughs half-heartedly. We are all half hearted without Zayn. It's as though he took a part of us with him when he left. Fair enough. Even he left a part of himself with us when he left. Even now it hurts that he is not with us,but we never let it show when we talk to him. He already has enough worries, no need to add us as well to the mix. Suddenly the room falls silent. This is what happens every single time. We run out of jokes, we run out of energy to pretend that we are fine. We stop running towards the imaginary world where everything is fine and stand to face the reality where nothing will ever be fine. Without Zayn we will never be complete again and that is the truth. I sighed a deep sigh and looked at the rest of the lads. I badly wanted to call Zayn but I knew he would be sleeping right now. We didn't want to disturb his sleep just so that we could talk to him. We then started talking about the memories we had with Zayn. All those tour moments, those behind the scenes, shoots, recording sessions,interviews, late night Chats...in total memories consisting of him.

Just as we were talking about this, my phone started ringing. I looked at the id and immediately a smile found its way on my face. It was Zayn. I picked up the call and told him how we were just talking about him, but he didn't answer. I could hear his breathes from the other side. He was having trouble breathing. But before I could ask him anything, he, very quitely told two words: Harry,help. I instantly knew what was wrong. I lept out of the bed and went to the other side of the room. I started talking to him in an attempt to distract him. I talked about the most random things. After about half an hour Zayn finally calmed down and his breaths came out more evenly. I went and again sat down on the bed. When the boys looked at me I just mouthed Zayn's name. Then suddenly he started apologizing. When I asked him why he was apologizing, he gave the most ridiculous answer by saying, for disturbing you. I felt anger immediately rush to the surface but I calmed it down. Zayn is already scared. Don't scare him more by yelling at him.

I calmly told him, "Zayn. You didn't disturb us. Remember when we told you that you can always talk to us no matter what the time is or what we are doing? That offer still stands and will always. Now wanna tell me what happened?" When he spoke, he sounded really tired and defeated. It broke my heart to hear him like this.

" I don't know Harry. Everything I guess. Whatever I did, all the decisions I took, I am questioning all of them. Did I do a right decision by choosing this career? Did I take a right decision by accepting Simon's deal? But most of all did I take a good decision by leaving the band? I am really doubting that decision Harry. Like my parent are worried because of me. Saf is searching up on Google as to what anxiety is. She is giving me advice when it should be me doing that. Doniya is stuck at home to take care of me instead of going out and enjoying her life. Even Waliyah is worried for me. My mum cries every night. And baba...don't even ask me about him. He is trying to stay strong and is pretending that he is not hurt but I know he is. I let them all down. I even let you all down. I let everyone down by quitting the band. I don't know if it was a very good idea."

To say that I was shocked would be an understatement. I told him with as gentle a tone as I could muster, "Firstly Zayn. We don't blame you for leaving the band. You did what you had to in order to survive. In fact we all are proud of you that you stood up for yourself. And No, you didn't take a wrong decision by leaving the band. You did a very good thing by leaving. And about your family, they are doing what they are doing because they care about you Zayn. Nothing more but also nothing less. Safaa does that because she cares about you. Your parents do that, your siblings do that because they care about you. Ask Doniya if she minds taking care of you. I can guarantee you that she will either scold you or shut you up. As for us, you didn't disappoint us at all Z. Are we upset that you left? Yes. But then again who wouldn't be. Are we angry at you for leaving? No Zayn. We aren't. So please don't think like that okay."

I think Zayn was really tired because he mumbled a simple and quite okay and then there was silence on the other side. After that, we all just stayed together for a while. None of us had the courage to speak up and be the first one to break the silence. So we all stayed quite after which we all went back to our respective rooms. I missed Zayn a lot. No, not this Zayn. I missed the old Zayn. The one who used to make jokes, laugh, giggle and be goofy. It was as though he was lost somewhere. Today I did realise one thing:

It would take a lot of time and work to find the old Zayn back. But I will find him. Because in the end, all the work will be worth it when he starts smiling and laughing like before.

(A/N):Hey guys. So this is the sixth chapter. I dont know about you all but I personally think Zayn did a great job by leaving 1D. Also...this chapter was very emotional to write. Let me know how you all felt about it.

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Happy reading !!! :)