The other side of love

Misery and other things

Chapter 13

"Zethu"
He pulled me to his chest and I cried even harder, I was honestly tired. I just never prepared for this, I never thought it would be this hard. I know he won't admit it but I think he was also just as confused about this whole thing. We both thought it would be easy and the reality was nothing like we imagined.
"Hey, look at me"
I lifted my head up and looked at him, his hands wiped my tears.
Khathu" I am sorry"
" I promise I'll take care of everything, just promise me that you'll stay"
Me" As long as you are trying then I'm staying"
" Goodnight"
Khathu" We are going to our house on Sunday, I promise everything will be better when we get there"
Me" I want my son with me"
Khathu" I'll arrange it"
"I love you"
Me" I love you too"

*

Ntlaka and my Aunt went back to PE and we finally left Khathu's family home to go to our house. The set up was the same but this was more modern, my actual place here was bigger and it was similar to my house in PE which I appreciated. I loved that I had a plant room, and small work station like at my place. These things all made me appreciate him for taking the time to put all of this together. I think seeing Thili however was however my biggest highlight. The only frustrating thing is I didn't really know what to do with myself here, I had to quit my job in PE and just freelance. I had clients but wasn't the same, I have been here for 3 months and I am so lonely. All I do is eat, watch reality shows and sleep, Thili goes to creche then gets home and goes to play with his sister. I lock myself in here, Khathu visits, and then goes back to her. It's strange sharing him like this, I can't get used to it. So I numb everything I want to say and just sleep it off. Rendani? She is so fucken kind it's nauseating, I also tried though. I would clean around the house, run errands and take the kids to crechè. Last week I went to Giyani with them, we had so much they both passed out on our way back home. This week has been better, I have a lot of work to do so I didn't let my thoughts consume me. This weekend I am going to PE for my sister's bridal shower and I am looking forward to that.
" Hulisani"
Hearing my mother-in-law's voice made me throw up inside. I don't understand what she was doing here, I'm sure she knew I was home so I had no excuse to not open the door for her.
" Molo Mama, akekho uThili, I only fetch them after 3 p.m."
I said blocking the door, didn't want her to come in. I was in the main house, I decided to work here today.
" I'm here to see you"
She said, then moved my hand from the door, walking past me like I said she can come in.
Me" Mna? Okay"
I decided if I was going to have a happy marriage then I needed to try. So I tried to be kind, and go the extra mile. Even when no one appreciated my efforts, I did everything mna.
" Can I offer you something to drink?"
I asked her, she was looking at my work. Yea it was a mess, I had papers all over and two laptops opened, there were 3 redbull cans on the table and a huge packet of lays. I am a slob.
" No, thank you"
She said, so I went to sit on the floor.
"You don't have to, I'll be quick"
She said and I gave her a blank stare, then it clicked.
Me" Oh no, I work better when I sit on the floor but thank you"
She looked at me for a while then let out a fake laugh, probably laughing at how she wants to kill me. She mumbled something in TshiVenda, and then closed her eyes when she opened them I had the same expression on my face.
" My son told me that you don't like it when I take my grandson without your permission. So I am here to ask if we can have him this weekend, my husband and I would love to teach him a few TshiVenda words since all he speaks is IsiXhosa and English"
Not sure if she was asking or telling me, she spoke down to me and I hated that. However Khathu is her son, not Thili and I have a say there.
Me" I'll drop him off before I go to the airport. I'd appreciate it if you refrain from teaching him until he is old enough. I never taught him English, it's those cartoons and I don't want to overwhelm him with all these languages"
My phone rang and I ignored it because it was Khathu.
" He is a Rabali, he needs to be able to communicate with his family"
She said with her finger pointed at me
" You need to start teaching him his tradition and we are offering to do it for you"
She added
Me" Please don't point at me and Thili is almost 2 years old, he can barely speak and you want to teach him about tradition?. That doesn't even make sense. I don't appreciate you trying to tell me how to raise my son, you are telling me what is best for him like I am not his mother. I never told you how to raise your children, so please don't tell me how to raise mine"
My phone rang again and I looked at her;
" It's your son"
I gave her the phone and she answered, she went in mtakabawo in their language, I used the time to reply to an email.
"He wants to speak to you"
I looked up from my laptop then took the phone. I got up to go speak in the kitchen, I knew Khathu and I would fight and I didn't want to do it in front of her.
Me" Hey"
Khathu" She is trying"
Me" According to her?"
Khathu" She is there isn't she"
Me" To tell me what I should do with my son"
Khathu" Our son, and she has the best intentions"
Me" So do I"
" I'm trying to work, is that why you were calling?"
Khathu" Xolisa"
Me" It always goes back to this"
" We will argue when you get home, I have a deadline to catch"
I ended the call, then went back to Khathu's mother.
" I'll pack for Thili, and Ma, don't go over my head and try to get between my husband and I. This, what you are doing right now is called bullying. You and I could fight, I can stoop to your level and tell your husband about the abuse you've put me through since I got here. Because anyone else would have done it a long time ago!, or you just stop bothering me, stop pushing me around, stop meddling in my marriage, you just stop!. Hell, stop telling me how to raise my son. You hate me? That's fine but turning me against Khathu won't work, I will take your son away from you. Don't start a war you won't win"
I added;
"Please get out of my house. Respectfully of course"

*

I went to fetch my children from daycare, gave them both big hugs. I phoned Rendani when we got in the car.
Me" Hey, sorry to interrupt but can I get Shudu ice cream?"
" We grabbing supper, I thought I should spoil them but wanted to double check with you"
Rendani" It shouldn't be a problem, please take pictures for me"
Me" Will do, see you later"
I ended the call, first went to the restaurant to order our supper then we went to KFC. I took pictures and sent them to Rendani and Khathu, uploaded one on my instagram with the caption; I want three more of them.

*

When we got home, I ran a bath for the kids, then made them wear their pyjamas.
"What are you watching today?"
I asked them
Shudu" Peppa Pig"
Thili" Baby shark"
We watched Peppa Pig who I don't like, find that piglet rude. Then we listened to Baby Shark for a million times, then wheels on the bus, then Disney club hotdog song and then Baby Shark again.  My insta stories were filled with them laughing.
Shudu" Ma"
I knew she wanted Baby Shark again. I dished up supper, Rendani and Khathu were still not back which was strange because it was almost 8 p.m.
" Thandaza Thili"
He said a prayer, we ate then I packed up my things. We walked to my house, at the corner of my eye, I saw their cars were here. Which meant they were here, my heart? Sank, tears? Shimmering, hotel? Trivago mtakabawo.
" It's bed time"
Shudu usually goes to her mother, but didn't have strength for that tonight. So I just let her sleep here, sent a text that we are having a slumber party, switched off my phone, locked my door and then cried.
" Hay voestek"
Mid breakdown, I remembered who the fuck I am. So I got up from the floor, mixed myself a drink and got some work done.

Since I couldn't sleep I ended up packing for the weekend. Then called Thandile because I wanted to double check
" Tshomi yamu, I miss you my Zethu"
She said
Me" I will be in PE after 3 p.m., Khathu was supposed to send me the flight details"
" Please fetch me, I'm not getting a car, I'll use Khazimla's car"
Thandile" I'll sneak out of the office"
" Saw your instagram, so everything is fine now?"
Me" They are siblings, months apart, there's no way I will treat them differently. I am not like that"
" However Khathu and I are not the same anymore"
Thandile" How does he do it? Y'all rotate?"
Me" Hahaha Mama asked me this naye"
"He goes where his penis leads him"
Thandile" Are you being serious?"
Me" We don't have a timetable, he can sleep kum for a week or kuye for two weeks. Sometimes he doesn't sleep with any of us, yilo kaka"
Thandile" That's insane"
Me" Yebo"
" I haven't had sex for a month, I sleep kuqala xa elapha. I feel so angry, and letting him touch me isn't an option until I am myself again"
Thandile" Let's go hiking Saturday morning, you can scream and cry on top of the mountain and I think you'll feel better afterwards"
Me" Okay. Let me carry on packing, say hello to KG for me"
Thandile" Goodnight, I love you"
Me" I love you too, see you tomorrow"