PHOENIX ━ dameron

041 | best-laid plans

Elgie rolled up across the grass, chirping a brief statement about there being more than enough people to help, and informing Lyra that the droid would be heading back inside to charge.

"Whatever you say, Elgie," Lyra grinned with approval. "You've been very helpful today, I'm proud of you."

If it were possible to huff in binary, it would be equivalent to the dismissive noise that had come out of Elgie's processor. Helpful was an insult to the green-striped droid's reputation.

Reeve and Lyra moved the remaining carts to the side before they headed back in. It was all going fine, Lyra was just putting a forgotten lamp out on the ground when Reeve's mouth opened and the words came out.

"Is there anything you wanted to tell me, Lyra?"

Reeve knew. Somehow, word had gotten out that she was Luke Skywalker's daughter and Reeve already knew. It had only been a day, but Lyra had kept secrets for lifetimes and it was nothing compared to the weight of this. If Reeve knew, it might actually be a relief.

"About what?" Lyra breathed, afraid of the answer to her question.

Reeve shoved her in the shoulder, pointing to a Poe who was unhurriedly hauling a set of speakers behind him on a wheeled maintenance cart. "About Dameron, dummy. You're so oblivious sometimes, it's astounding."

Lyra's heart rate slowed back down and she breathed a heavy sigh of relief. If she was going to keep losing it like that, her secret wouldn't say that way for very long. "No," she said flatly.

"No?" Reeve parroted, surprised. "Really? After everything, there's really nothing going on between you two?"

"Reeve," Lyra began, keeping her voice soft so it fell on Reeve's ears and her ears only. "That's the problem. I can't let go of everything that's happened. I can't--" Lyra shook her head once, squeezing her eyes tightly shut.  Han falling in the red light flashed in her mind, and she saw the crimson flames of a fire. "I can't keep letting him so close if I know in the back of my head that something is going to tear it all to shreds."

Lyra was the risk, she was the person who was carrying around a secret so large, it would soon split the galaxy in two.  A half life could never be fully lived.

Lyra watched as the joint efforts of Poe and Jess finally got Karé to head back into base. Karé glanced behind her one more time, shaking her head at the two of them. Bee zipped around under the lights, rolling back and forth like he was having the time of his life.

"I'm going to keep telling you this over and over again until it makes its way into your head and stays there," Reeve whispered. "You don't have to have everything figured out to deserve love and to give love."

Lyra had built an entire life for herself with the Resistance, creating something that would survive war even if all that was left was an empty shell. That was why it was so hard to realize that even her best-laid plans might not work out the way she wanted them to. She thought of Rey, who was sitting in the med bay, waiting for Finn to open his eyes. Lyra thought of the half-map to her father that was still just sitting idle in the command room and how soon, it too would begin to collect dust. Too many things were different.

"But everything is changing," Lyra told her, looking at the pilots and technicians who all knew that soon, D'Qar would be in the rearview of their transports as they left.

Reeve shrugged. "Everything changes, every single day that we fight this war, things change. That's why we're fighting, so one day, we can have more days like this. Days where things feel a little more stable."

Reeve was right, just like she always was, but that didn't change the last nagging thought at the back of her head. The one that reminded her of how he didn't seem to want anything more. The kiss on the cheek had given her hope, but there was nothing more to it. Any time something that would push them further from friends started to happen, either he would shut it down or it just wouldn't work. It was frustrating to no end, and anyone who believed in fate would say it wasn't meant to be.