Alone and Afraid- A Sanders Sides Fanfiction (Book 2)

Going Back

*-IMPORTANT-*
This is Book 2 in the Sanders Sides series. Book 1 can be found on my page and it's called "Kidnapped and Alone".

TW: Trauma, abuse, manipulation, unsympathetic!remus, panic, anxiety, starvation, flashbacks

Janus's POV:

Janus sat on the couch in the family room in the light side of the mind. Patton had been brought back safely after the whole kidnapping thing, but he wasn't all sure that Patton was doing...alright.

Oh, of course everyone in the mind palace knew that he wasn't doing alright. Not after what Remus and Janus had done to him...

But no. Patton had assured him countless times that he forgave him...that he understood the pressure Janus was going through...but...

He still would never forgive himself. And it wasn't just Patton either. It was Virgil too. While he had only gave in to hurting people for Remus pretty recently, Janus never stood up for Virgil when they were kids and Remus would hurt him.

Janus couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle living with Virgil and Patton. Seeing them in the halls every day only brought him back into his pit of guilt.

He decided he should leave. Go back to the "dark side".

Of course he couldn't just waltz right in to the front room or anything...then he might run into Remus and—

Oh no. He was not ready for that again. Because now Janus was back to the way things had been. He received a good 3 day break from Remus's violence and harsh words...and as soon as that break ended, Janus was gonna get it.

After betraying Remus by leaving the Imagination with Patton, Logan, and Virgil, Janus had made it possible for them all to rescue Patton and escape...

'And you let them get to you.' Remus's voice echoed through his mind. 'One day if you let them get to you bad enough they could change you, Janus. Light sides can't be trusted. Don't ever forget that.'

Janus shuddered at the thought of Remus waiting for him back in the dark side of the mind scape.

But he also shuddered at the thought of living with the light sides. Passing them while they gave him guilty and wary looks any time he was in the same room as one of them. And getting the silent treatment whenever they were talking together. Watching a movie or something.

The silent treatment was almost worse than Remus's violence.

So Janus went to his room, closing and locking the door as he made his final decision to go back. To leave the light sides.

This should move his room back into the dark side if he was fully committed to switching back. He wondered if any of the light sides would try to stop him when they realized his door was gone...

But deep down he knew they wouldn't come after him. Sure they had good hearts, but they were worried about Patton and they all loved him a great deal.

Janus couldn't say whether or not they cared about him though.

Ten minutes had passed since he locked himself in his room. He needed to check and see if the transition worked...

So Janus peaked outside his door slowly, hoping Remus wasn't waiting for him...

Luckily he wasn't. But Janus immediately recognized the darker atmosphere and the battered walls in the hallway. So he knew the transformation had worked.

He quickly closed and locked the door again securely to make sure Remus wouldn't come in. He wondered how long he could stay in his room...

Forever? Maybe?

No, of course not. He wasn't that lucky.

It was only four days before Janus grew unbearably hungry. During those four days Janus had ransacked every corner of his room searching for any trace of food. But to his disscontempt, he found nothing. And his hunger was becoming painful.

Now Janus's mental health might not have been the best, but he wasn't about to starve himself over his feelings, was he? He was deceit for goodness sake! He wasn't supposed to be a...a...
'Coward.' Remus's voice echoed in his head.
A coward. He was supposed to be menacing. Deceiving. He wasn't gonna let Remus have this type of effect on him! He wasn't even using physical force to starve him like he had before! This was all in Janus's head.

So he paced to the door and unlocked it quietly, a sliver of fear stabbing into his chest and sending chills down his spine. He wasn't going to give up. Going slowly wouldn't make this any easier.

Janus then opened the door normally and made it a couple steps down the stairs before he saw him.

Remus was sitting on the couch scrolling through his phone. And he was there.

He was there.

The fear Janus was feeling now echoed in his head, memories playing back before his eyes over and over.

His heart was in his throat as Janus realized Remus was capable of hurting him again. And worse too. And he was mad.

Quietly, with his hand over his mouth to stop himself from breathing too loudly, Janus creeped back into his room soundlessly and silently closed the door, locking it securely.

Then he dropped his hand from his mouth, letting out the choked sobbed he had been holding in. His heart was beating a thousand times per minute and his breath became shallow as he remembered...

"Aww, what's wrong, Janus? You gonna cry?"
Remus had Janus pinned on the couch as he had his arm over Janus's lap firmly preventing him from standing up. Janus dried his tears on his sleeve.
"Oh, bug off, Remus." he managed, annoyed.
"You missing Virgil? Hm?" he asked poubting his lip.

Janus rolled his eyes, trying his best to contain his sobs. "It's your fault, you know. If you hadn't hurt him."
Remus slapped him. His first real violence against Janus. Janus stared back at Remus, shocked and scared. Remus shook his head.
"Don't be a coward, Janus." he stated darkly. Then he whispered, "or else you're next." And he left to his room leaving Janus to mourn the loss of his friend. Alone.

Alone and afraid.

And that was the first time Janus had realized how alone he really was. Sobbing against his door now, trying desperately to breathe, he realized why no one cared. Remus was right. He really was—
'Just a coward. A liar.

A villain.'.