Exchange year

24.

"So, when I was fifteen, I had a boyfriend. He was a couple of years older than me. It was my first relationship, everything was the first time. The first couple of months everything was fine. We hadn't done anything sexual, because I wasn't ready, and he was fine with it. Or so I thought. But one night, we went to one of our mutual friend's party, it was funny. We hadn't really seen each other the whole night, he was with his friends and I was with mine. But later that night he came over to me, he was drunk, really drunk. He kept on touching me, grabbing my ass and boobs, in front of everyone. But I couldn't really do anything, because he was much bigger than me. But then he got dizzy and went out to the bathroom to throw up. I followed him to the bathroom to help him, but when I got inside he locked the door and grabbed my hands. He pulled me up against the bathroom door. and" I take a deep breath and for the first time since I started talking, I look Hero in the eyes. And there I see it, he has a look on his face that's hard to describe. He looks like someone who both wants to kill someone, but also someone who is feeling deeply sorry on my behalf. He looks hurt. His eyes are totally red, I don't know if it's anger or if he's gonna cry in a second. It's hard to tell. I look down at our folded hands, he gives my hand a hug. I force myself to go on. "I had a black short dress on, so it was easy to get access to my abdomen. He grabbed the belt from a dressing gown and tied my hands tightly together behind my back. He pushed my legs apart and pulled my dress up. He turned me around so my back was facing him. He bent me forward. First, then it hit me what was happening, or I think I woke up from the chook of what he was doing. So I started to scream. But he quickly turned me around and slapped me. He found a towel and tied it around my mouth so I couldn't scream. Then he turned me around again and pulled my panties down. I don't remember anything after that until a boy comes into the bathroom and finds me lying naked on the bathroom floor, in a shock condition. I remember his facial expression when he finds me. I remember that there was blood on the floor where I had lain, on my legs and on my stomach. But I don't remember much more. But yeah, that was my first time. Some are lucky to have a good and romantic first time, and some of us aren't." I say. My hands are shaking a little, it's the first time in a long time that I have been talking about it and I haven't told it to so many people. "I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry that it happened to you. I'm so sorry for what I did, I totally understand now why you reacted as you did. I'm an idiot, I'm so sorry, I should never have done what I did. I'm so so sorry." His voice is shaking. "You really don't have to apologise, it's not your fault, you couldn't have known. And for your defence, I didn't reject you imminently, so you couldn't know that I didn't want to" "Don't take me in defence, I shouldn't just assume that you wanted to just because that we were talking and you were looking at me. It's my mistake NOT yours. You shall not blame yourself for what happened. It's not yorúr fault" He says, I can't hold my tears back anymore, I cry, I can feel the hot water on my cheeks and my eyes starts to sting. It's been so long since I've talked about it. Everything just hits right now, all the new experiences, the new people, a new country. Everything. "No don't cry, please, I hate to see you sad," he says, while he wraps his arms around me. He hugs me tight and caresses my back. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and put my head on his shoulder. He moves one of his hands to my head and holds in my hair. He then lifts me up so I sit on his lap. His arms are still wrapped around my back and the other one in my hair. I just keep on crying down in his shoulder. "Shh, it's gonna be fine, she" he whispers. After a while I start to get tired, I yawn, my eyes start to get heavy and before I know it I'm sleeping.