just for you (years 5-7)

chapter 45

i wake up the next morning with draco wrapped around me.

and i feel sick.

i feel violently ill as everything rushes back to me. what he did yesterday.

the castle could be in complete disarray outside of our doors— and we'd have no idea.

people could be looking for him— would they know he did it?

and then blaise. i think of blaise. he was— overly confident in this plan. blaise is always confident though.

blaise comforted me. we hadn't been that close in years. it was— nice.

'care about yourself for once. promise.'

and i was going to do just that from now on. i would ensure that i didn't allow for draco's life to consume my own. i wouldn't be worn down to nothing for him— no matter how much i loved him.

he said he would try. he said he was sorry.

and honestly, i didn't give a fuck what he said. all i cared about was if he actually changed. words are just words. they mean nothing unless put into action.

i crawl out from draco's arms wrapped heavily around me, wash up and change, and then i head out of the room quickly— declining to leave a note.

i go down a few floors and scan the hall. students are chatting, walking around merrily.

if the headmaster died last night— no one knows it yet.

i catch a familiar face, pansy, running down the hall towards me— and i smile.

"y/n! oh lord i've been dying to find someone i knew— listen to this." she grins back, linking her arm through mine and spinning me around to walk down the hall with her. "i was just in the hospital wing with daphne— she has an extra lesson this morning— and you will not believe— oh, you know what!? the set up isn't important— it's weasley! weasley's in the fucking infirmary because he got poisoned. by slughorn's mead nonetheless..."

alarm bells sound off in my mind the second i hear the words poisoned and mead in the same sentence.

i tune pansy out, my mind racing as it processes— draco nearly killed ron.

ron weasley. we were once— sort of friends. we did DA together, we talked. he talked about his family back home. we talked about the war. i knew ginny too. i spent the summer nights at the burrow when i was with cedric. we— we were friends.

it feels like a lifetime ago. i can't remember even speaking to him since the train ride in the beginning of the year.

and he could have died. because of— draco.

the weight of it all crashes down on me, and i feel my ability to breath ripped from my chest.

"... y/n are you..? oh my god— oh— christ!" pansy exclaims, wrapping her arm around my back, "come, come here— move out of the fucking way! are you serious?!" she shouts at a crowd of third years before pushing through them towards an abandoned hall, tucking me into the nearest alcove and gripping my shoulders.

i feel the panic tearing through my chest. i feel my cheeks burning and my heart pounding as i desperately search for more oxygen. my lungs spasm as i pinch my eyes shut, willing myself to focus and calm down.

"who— who do you need? should i send for draco—?"

"no." i say instantly, shaking my head. "no, it's fine, i'm—"

"you are not fine, y/n." she says sternly, stamping her foot into the ground. "i'm sending for draco—"

"no! not— not him." i say slowly, the words escaping me between breaths. i faintly see pansy's confused expression before she nods, tightening her grips on my arms. she doesn't question it, immediately going back go comforting me.