What You Caused

57.

I pull my lips into my mouth thinking for a second. "Honestly I don't know," I tell her truthfully. "I hope one day it will be but right now...I really have no clue. I think in all honestly it all depends on what will happen after I tell him..."

I trail off but both girls nod their heads, understanding what I mean.

I look back up to both of them after answering Mia's question and take notice that Grace is chewing on her lip nervously; a tell that she wants to ask me me something else but she doesn't know if she should.

"What do you wanna say?" I urge her to continue speaking and I watch her open and close her mouth a few times before letting out a breath.

"Okay before you say anything...just here me out," she begins and I quirk an eyebrow.

"Alright..."

"I think you should tell him," Grace finally says after stalling for a little bit however, she speaks so fast that I don't even know if I heard her correctly.

"Remember, just here me out," she quickly adds when she see's that I'm about to protest. "I think you should because I've been thinking and I kinda think that you should...I mean I know you are waiting for him to realise himself  but Bella you've told him that he's hurt you countless times and Lucas still hasn't gotten the hint of what he did to you exactly so I think-" she pauses for a beat, her face softening. "...I think a big part of your recovery will be to tell...him, I think by like letting him know and getting your frustration and hurt out there will be a big part of your recovery and a step forward into helping you move on."

"I sort of agree." Mia nods her head slowly before I get a chance to reply and I turn my head to look at her. "We're not saying that you have to like completely forgive him the moment you tell him or something but...Grace is right, I think just getting it off your chest will be good for you."

I pause for a beat, processing what they had just told me and take in their suggestion.

I begin to nod slowly.

I hadn't really thought of it like that.

I had always just thought I would have to tell Lucas out of obligation or just for the sake of it and that he would probably end up forcing it out of me or that I'd accidentally end up blurting it out to him in anger...but I hadn't stopped to think that it may be good for me to tell him.

"You think I should tell him?" I repeat just for clarification.

Grace nods, placing an hand gently on my arm. "Yeah, but only if you feel comfortable doing so."

Jay and Andrew finally approach us, holding a huge blue teddy and our begins to group exit the winter wonderland fair. The hum of the music slowly starts to die down the more further away we get and as we pile into our individual cars, I think over Grace's suggestion.

"I think you should tell him."

"...I think a big part of your recovery will be to tell...him."

"...a step forward into helping you move on."

"I think just getting it off your chest will be good for you."