A Promise (An Attack on Titan Fanfic: Erwin Smith)

Blame

"I heard you guys went on your first expedition," she finally heard him say. His tone was so flat and casual, and Isanna was sure that the dire news still had not reached him. Yet. And she was now tasked on delivering the information to him. 

Nile had his arms crossed leisurely as he stared at the girl who had still not looked at him in the eye ever since entering the cafe. He studied her closely and realized how gaunt she looked. Slightly pale, even. 

"So you haven't kicked the bucket," Nile commented, trying hard to mask the relief in his voice. Even though they had separated on abrupt, sour terms, he never wanted any harm to befall his friends. 

"What about the rest of the guys?"

At the dreaded question, Isanna swore she could feel her heart stopping. She tried to drown out the surrounding noise as she bit her lip, feeling her eyes stinging once again at the haunting memory. She didn't want to say it. She didn't want to have to say it. If she did, she knew she'd break down again. 

".... Dead.."

Nile frowned at the mumble she released, not able to hear her. "What?"

Isanna finally gathered the courage to lift her eyes at him, willing herself not to break apart as she croaked out. "Adrian... Chiara.. Adalaide.... they're dead."

The girl watched as Nile's face froze at her words. The seconds ticked by with the man merely staring at her, probably waiting for her to laugh it off as a joke, or letting the information process in his brain. Isanna figured it was a mixture of both. 

"You're joking."

"Do I look like I am?"

Nile took one glance at the broken look on Isanna's face and realized that she was telling the truth. 

Adrian, Chiara, and Adalaide. Dead. 

With each second that passed, Nile's face slowly fell, despair painting his eyes while he still had them fixated on the girl, not breaking eye contact. He slowly uncrossed his arms. 

He couldn't believe it. Dead? 

It seemed like it was just yesterday when they were enjoying dinner in the Training Corps, laughing and teasing each other after a day full of training. The memory of Adrian, Adalaide and Chiara's voice laughing resounded in his head. 

"Are you relieved?"

Nile blinked at Isanna, who was now staring intently at him with a hardened look, a hint of anger, betrayal, and regret in her eyes. "Are you relieved that you chose the Military Police?" She croaked out a question, her shaking voice not going unnoticed by him. "Are you happy that you.. that you're now pigging away behind the walls, wearing that damn unicorn and left your friends behind?!"

Isanna's quaking voice was now gaining volume, her glassy eyes glaring at Nile with both of her fists clenching atop the table. 

As Nile stared back at the girl, he couldn't help but feel a prickling sting in his eyes. He indeed left them. And so abruptly, at that. But..

".. I don't... regret my decision."

The girl blinked at his response. 

Nile gritted his teeth and glared back at her, infusing equal anger in his tone. "It's not my fault you all made the wrong choice!" He leaned forward and slammed a fist on the table in frustration. "We were all in the top 10! If you guys only followed me, this wouldn't have happened - they would have stayed alive - your decision was wrong!" 

His outburst rang through the cafe, causing most of the attention from the customers to transfer to their table. 

Isanna's eyes twitched in anger at his words, her jaw clenching. With a curse, she shoved the table to the side, the wood crashing to the next table and causing glass and other utensils to shatter on the floor with a loud clang. Yelps of surprise from the other customers erupted in the room, but Isanna and Nile were still glaring at each other.