Child Of The Future

Episode 36: Please Don't Forget Me

               Me by myself isn't what I'm ok with anymore! Maybe when I first left that stupid mall I'd have been fine without Jesse who is, in the ground at present, great reminder Spes! But no! Not now!

               I don't care how capable I once advertised myself to be...I can't do this without Carl.

               I can't do this.

               I can't do this!

               I can't fvcking do this!

               I can't do this.

               I can't...do this.

               I... can't do this?

               I can't do this???

               No. No, no.

               "No!"

               Fvck no, idiot! Stupid! Get a hold of yourself!

               "Ok Spes... time to reach down and get that justified ego goin' on." That one that's gotten me the evil eye from so many other b1tches back home that thought I was all talk with nothing to back it. That ego.

               I can't just wait around to feel like I can do this, I have to decide it.

               At least that's what Gabby taught me all those years ago.

               Hours of training that I wouldn't let her stop no matter how exhausting they got, or how terrible it was to not breathe after so many fencing and wrestling sessions.

               Fvck, those were brutal.

               But, hmm...worth it.

_________________

               "I'm too tired! I change my mind! I don't feel like it!" I brat out before throwing my practice stick down to the ground, cringing at the sweat clumping my hair together while Estela sighs at my behavior and Gabby watches while I sit down, not moving, glaring at her to show that I won't be bossed around.

               Gosh, for the first time in ages, I can actually see how much of a...a... brat I was. Still am...I guess. Maybe. Whatever.

               "So that's it? You're a quitter?"

               "No!" I spit out. "This is just training, and I'm tired! I don't feel like going on! My arms are about to fall off!"

               "You'll never get anywhere if you just limit your abilities to how you 'feel'. You still have some energy Spes. Toughen up."

               "Tch." I turn my head and grab my bag to pull out a clean towel, wiping my forehead and hiding my face from how pissed off and embarrassed I was.

               "Estela? Will you give us a second?" Gabby turns to my friend, only a few years younger at the time given I was barely 13 at said moment, and she reluctantly leaves our sides. Hmph. "Look Spes," My instructor, still a little bit of a stranger back then, kneels down and laughs at my refusal to make eye contact. Gosh I remember mentally cursing her out using the alphabet from a to z. "If you want to continue-"

               "I don't need a slave driver."

               "Actually you do. Until you can learn to push yourself to your absolute limit, I'm going to have to, but only if you want it. This isn't just a fancy game. It's a dance of beauty and self worth as well as physical development..."