Fragile Bones

Chapter Twenty-Nine

And as I finally realized, I did want to be close to him. Even though I didn't want to admit it to myself, I had to. That made my relationship with him all the more dangerous. I was going through things that I didn't want him finding out about. That I didn't want anyone finding out about; my parents, Charlie, my teachers, anyone.

I had heard my phone buzz a few times since being here and I just ignored it despite Charlie urging me to check. I didn't need to be Einstein to figure out it was Asher.

"Break time!" Charlie announced with a clap of her hands. She commando-rolled off the bed, landing on the floor on all fours. "I'm going to make some pizza rolls, do you want any?"

God, why did everything seem to revolve around Asher and food nowadays? "No," I muttered, fighting the urge not to both puke and salivate at the thought of them. Charlie hopped out of the room and thudded downstairs, her steps dying out the farther away she got.

Sighing, I closed my eyes, just to give them some rest when she was gone. I jolted up when the back of my head hit the bed, realizing I had nearly fallen asleep, simply by closing my eyes. I needed to do something to make myself less tired so I could help Charlie and not half-ass it.

Hoisting myself out of her bed, I tried to take a couple laps around her room, but by the time I was done with two I was out of breath. It didn't succeed in waking me up either.

"Why do I have to be so fucked up?" I whispered to myself, reluctantly sitting back down on Charlie's bed. With hesitation, I took out my phone to check the messages I had received. It didn't come as any surprise to me when I saw all three were from Asher.

Where did you go?

I don't snore that bad, do I?

Just let me know you got home safe.

They were sent about ten minutes after one another, the last one being an hour ago. Honestly, Asher didn't seem like the kind of guy to text more than once, so the fact that I got three was a little disconcerting. I would feel bad if I didn't at least let him know I didn't get murdered or something, so I sent him back something quickly.

I'm fine.

My fingers heisted before sending it because after all, I wasn't fine. But he didn't have to know that. So I sent it anyways.

"Are you texting back Asher?" Charlie asked, pushing the door aside with her hip, wielding a plate of pizza rolls in each hand.

"Yeah," I responded, shutting my phone off and placing it face down on the bed. I watched the steaming plates as she brought them in and set them down on the bed. The smell was heavenly, to say the least.

She noticed my staring and nudged a plate over to my side. "I made extra in case you changed your mind. I feel like I hardly ever see you eat." I froze in place, but she laughed, making me relax when I realized she was joking. "I bet it's great to not get hungry a bunch, I feel like I'm always eating."

If only you knew.

"Yeah, it's alright," I whispered, still eyeing the tempting food. It would be so easy to just take a bite, or maybe eat a couple. It wouldn't make me gain any weight to have a few, there was no reason why I shouldn't. And yet, a little voice nagged at the back of my head, telling me things I didn't want to hear. Even just a little bit would make me fat, and I had come so far. There was no way I could ruin it now. I repeated the mantra I had been silently telling myself since that night in the bathroom.

I only need to do this a little longer, and then it'll be over.

All the pain will go away, all the temptations, the longing. Once I reach where I want to be at, there will be nothing left to lose. Already being so close was killing me inside.