A court of Shadows & Blood (An ACOTAR / Azriel fanfiction)

Chapter 7

He returned my injury by elbowing me in the back and knocking me off my feet.

"Ow." I turned on my back. Cassian was a black figure with the sun shining behind his head. "That hurt."

"You fight well." I was surprised by the smile on Cassain face when he held out his hand for me.

"Thank you."I dusted off my clothes. "Sorry for that." I pointed to his shoulder.

"That'll heal. It doesn't bother me."

"I know." I was not foolish enough to think that the commander of the armies of Night Court would be bothered by a small cut.

"You are better than what I expected." He threw the sword under the tree and sat down on the ground.

I sat beside him. "I had no option but to learn." I held his gaze. You know. You know what it feels like to have no option but to fight to survive.

He didn't speak anything but something shifted in his eyes before Rhysand joined us and diverted his attention.

I strapped my daggers back and leaned back. My eyes fell on Alcina laughing with Feyre and Morrigan. Feyre was telling them something and Alcina laughed at Morrigan's remark.

Of course, I wasn't completely unaware of a set of hazel eyes on me. I just decided to not look his way.

I had felt them burning through my skin when Cassian and I were training and I could feel them now.

Last night felt like a lifetime away but at the same time I felt like if I closed my eyes I could still see his bright eyes and carefree smiles.

Azriel lingered under the shade of another tree drinking water and, as usual, keeping his distance from everyone else.

I instinctively fiddled with my fingers, remembering all the drawing I tucked under the blanket this morning. My fingers tingled with the sensation of charcoal from when I drew stars to show him the constellations he could not see from my window.

We had sat on the edge of the window till midnight, pointing out stars and occasionally, Azriel would ask me about Repearsbrook or the Ideosy.

Lost in thoughts, I picked on the grass until someone tapped me on the shoulder.

"Yes?" I raised my eyebrows at Rhysand.

"If we can not face down the Ideosy with force, I believe it's time we start thinking of other ways to stop them." He wiped the sheen on his forehead.

Feyre, Morrigan and Alcina turned towards us and Cassian called Azriel over.

"Is there absolutely no way to stop them besides killing them?" Feyre asked.

"There is." Alcina said gravely.

"Alcina." I warned her.

That was not an option. No one could survive that.

"What is it?" Rhysand looked from me to my sister.

"It's nothing. It won't work." I said, keeping my eyes at the ground.

"We can still try." Morrigan spoke.
I have never wanted the ground to swallow me more than I did in that moment. My nails dug into the my palms and I squeezed my eyes shut.

"It's too dangerously. " I tried to argue.

"I'm sure we have been through worse." Cassian shifted and stole a glance at Azriel.

He was probably worried it will put his brother in danger and didn't want that. Good. I didn't want that either.

"If we just try-" Alcina whispered.

"No." I said firmly this time. We are not taking that chance.

"Why?" Rhysand interjected.

"Because if we have to resort to that, nobody would like the consequences." I almost snap.

"You can come back. I know you will." My sister presses.

"Tell me." Azriel spoke for the first time. I almost flinched at his word. No. Don't agree to this.

"It's not-"I shake my head in frustration.

"At least tell us what it."Feyre sat down in front of me.

"It's not just about you." Azriel mumbled.

"It is!" I finally lost my temper. "It is about me! You don't know what I have to do! You don't know what it's like growing up knowing that you're destined to doom!" I was on my feet in seconds and even Alcina flinched at my movement.

I poked his chest with my finger. "You will not be the one losing everything even after we defeat the Ideosy! You are not the one who is destined to end up in hell for eternity! So yes! It is about me!"

Azriel stared down at me, calm as ever. I wanted to punch his stupid face until he couldn't look at me like this again, but I curled my hands into fists and stormed off.

Inside the house, everything was quite. I ran up the stairs before I lost myself and ended up hurting someone.

"It isn't about you.
It isn't about you.
It isn't about you.
It isn't about you.
It isn't about you.
It isn't ab-"

I almost closed my door and broke his nose but Azriel slipped inside before that. I wish it had hit him right in his stupid, handsome face.

"Get out." I gritted my teeth in annoyance.

"Tell me what it is and I'll gladly leave." He said. Every calm movement and word made me want to kill him.

"No. Now, get out and leave me alone." I reached out to open the door but he grabbed my wrist.

"What is it, Lillith?" This time there was an emotion in his voice that I couldn't put my finger on, but he sounded softer, not his icy cold self. Of course, I had heard that tone before. I had heard it just last night but right now, it made my blood boil.

" Why do you care? I said it doesn't concern you." I yanked my hand out of his. "What happens to me is none of your concerns. Worry about yourself, spymaster." I glared at him. "Even if the Ideosy don't sacrifice me, I'm destined to doom. You have a chance. One shot at life. Make sure you don't miss it."

"What of I tell you that I don't want a shot at life? What if a tell you I would let them sacrifice me? Would that earn you a chance at life?" He sounded frustrated. Desperate.

"No." I kept my voice low. "I don't have that luxury. You do. Don't disappointed me, Azriel." My eyes burned as I gulped down my tears. It briefly crossed my mind that this was the first time we had called each other by our names.

His eyes hardened and he clenched his jaw before taking a step back.

I didn't move from my place as I felt darkness take over me. "Do me a favor?" I smiled faintly.

He stiffly nodded his head.

"Put me on the bed and leave quickly." I told him.

He frowned but before he could ask any questions a familiar silence filled my mind as I felt my legs give out.

"There she is- My bride. How is earth, my darling?"