The Red Maelstrom

PART II: Crosscurrents

overall content warning for: hallucinations, nightmares, mild death imagery, panic, negative self-talk and just. Sasuke. being... mentally ill.

The night was dark, almost darker than Sasuke could find himself acclimating to. The room he shared with both Naruto and Kakashi was located in the west wing of their client's home, which meant the moonlight would not touch them until much, much later into the night—or perhaps just shy of the break of dawn. When it wasn't enough to watch through his peripheral vision, he turned over to his side with an uneasy sigh. He snuggled further into his thick, downy blanket for warmth as he faced Naruto's back. He watched his teammate breathe and counted the seconds between each inhale, each exhale. If Naruto didn't have this stupid penchant for wearing equally bright shirts even in his sleep, Sasuke would just barely be able to make out his outline.

Like this, though, his eyes could trace every twitch, ever shiver wrought by Naruto's dreams. Naruto slept either like a log or in fits. Sometimes, he wouldn't sleep at all and choose instead to train, which happened quite often in the Land of Waves. As someone who shared Naruto's poor sleeping habits, Sasuke could do little else but to follow along when it wasn't he who initiated the sleepless training sessions.

A stray memory sparked. It had happened on their way back to Konoha from the village in the Land of Waves. They'd set up camp and, when it was time for Kakashi to keep watch, Sasuke found himself sleepless for what must have been the thousandth time of his life. But at the time, wanted rest; he knew that once they stepped foot through the village gates, he'd be off to train more and more and more.

That night, he thought about death, of dying and leaving.

And he'd remembered his final thoughts at the bridge and why he'd moved to shield Naruto. What that meant, Sasuke couldn't parse, and so he'd stared at Naruto just as he was doing now. As if his sleeping figure could provide Sasuke with a clue. His eyes were trained stubbornly on the rise and fall of his teammate's chest, didn't even react when a stray fly landed on the dunce's tongue. He simply watched Naruto breathe, and he would never speak of this, but he felt relief to watch Naruto breathe. In hindsight it was stupid, truly foolish to have taken the brunt of Haku's attack. He must have caught too much of Naruto's stupid to have done that.

And yet, Sasuke continued to find comfort in watching Naruto breathe in his sleep.

Until, that same night, the breathing finally stopped. Years' old dread and newborn terrors alike both sat cold in Sasuke's veins. And there was dead silence all about, and the absence of light: so dark it took Sasuke moments to realize their campfire had gone out. He couldn't see. Just the faint outline of a body, unmoving.

Heart in his throat, Sasuke shot off his sleeping bag. He thought, with agitation beating a cavern in his chest, and denied. He's sleeping. Just sleeping. The cold summer air chilled the sweat collecting on the back of his neck. He shivered, reaching slowly for the outline, at the back of his mind images from nightmares began unfurling like poisonous flowers. Of bodies strewn along dirt. All across the compound under that dark, red moon. They're all sleeping. Just sleeping.

Then came a furious whisper, strained and panicked. "Sasuke? Sasuke!"

Sasuke had reached blindly in the darkness for that voice. "Naruto?" His voice was a ghostlike whisper, too quiet for Naruto to hear the tightness in his throat and his halting gasps.

"Come here. I— I can't..."

"What?" The more Naruto spoke the more Sasuke could pinpoint where he was. He stood up clumsy like a feeble kitten. A little to the left, give or take three strides ahead. His footfalls stayed light, but the crunch of the dry grass grated at his senses. It was too dark. Too damn dark. Why was it so fucking dark? He shut his eyes to will away a pair of glowing red lights in his periphery. Go away. Leave me alone!

He'd felt something grab at the sleeve of his shirt, clambering. Someone hissed, and it made Sasuke clench his eyes shut all the more, but he was grown. He'd suffered worse nights than this. Pathetic. You're just a child.

He forced his eyes open.

"Sasuke, help!" Naruto's voice hissed in his ear. "The light went out and I don't have anything to— ah, use your fireball thingy!" He was warm against Sasuke. And if this were a normal situation, Sasuke would shove him off, but...

"You idiot. You can't even start a fire?" He elbowed Naruto, but even he knew his words lacked heat. Pathetic. And yet he leaned just a tad closer. He could see Naruto's yellow shirt, his blond hair, even the tan of his skin. Like he attracted the scant moonlight now shafting through the inordinately dense canopy overhead.

Naruto had begun claiming feverishly that yes, he knew how to start a fire but he couldn't see anything, you condescending bastard!

"Big words for someone who can't even start a fire," Sasuke muttered, just to be an asshole about it, but also so that Naruto could keep making noise, keep grabbing him by the collar of his shirt like a thirdrate thug (or Kohana). At Naruto's indignation, the deep scarlet light in Sasuke's periphery began to bleed back into the night, leaving them alone faster than he'd anticipated. Sasuke started the fire back up with his chakra.

He'd cast his narrow glare at Naruto. "You fell asleep, didn't you?"

Naruto's blue eyes had seemed to take on the the soft orange glow of their revived campfire as he glared right back at Sasuke. "Shut up, I didn't! I just... spilledmywaterskin." The last part was mumbled out in a stupid childish pout, but they sat close enough together that Sasuke caught each word perfectly.

"Moron."

Naruto mussed up his hair in poorly concealed frustration. "Ughhhh. Whatever! Thank you, dickface, okay? Just go back to sleep already and leave me alone."

Sasuke wouldn't be able to sleep even if he tried, but he couldn't say that to Naruto. He might have caught his slowness, but he wasn't quite there yet. He was about to shoot a quip about Naruto's fear of the dark when he was cut off.

"Are you cold?"

"What?"

Naruto started to reach with his hand, and for some reason drew back. "Your hands are shaking."

Shit. Sasuke gripped his own hand fiercely. Stop, he told himself. He hadn't even noticed. But now, he knew his entire body was on edge, shoulders drawn up defensively, brow furrowed almost painfully. The tension in him was plain as the morning sky, and abated not a single bit. Pathetic. Pathetic. Weak. He braced himself for Naruto's sneers and taunts—finally! a weakness to exploit—but it never came. When he chanced a look at Naruto, his teammate's face was twisted in a frown, but not out of frustration, not out of confusion either; his frown was implacable.

"Hey—"

"Just go to sleep."

"It's not—"

Sasuke's voice was too clipped, too loud. Kakashi was going to notice. Lower your voice. Stop acting weak. "My shift's after yours, so just go to sleep."

He waited for Naruto to storm off in a huff or with a part insult laced with vitriol, but he stood slowly and with a voice so quiet, said, "Okay. See you in the morning."

In the darkness of the room, Sasuke grit his teeth, pain lancing in his chest. Pathetic. To hurt over something so simple, so insignificant.

"Sasuke? You awake?"

Sasuke's eyes shot open. Naruto's oceanbottom gaze pierced through him, so absurdly bright that Sasuke's mind must be playing tricks on him again. Silence blanketed them both. Sasuke could feel Naruto's warm breath against his own mouth. It stank a bit, but Sasuke didn't move an inch. Couldn't. Even if he wanted to.

Maybe he didn't.

At last, Naruto grinned. Boyish, carefree. "I can't sleep," he whispered sheepishly. "Wanna check out the training room?"

Sasuke was already shoving his blanket off, feeling like he was biting down on his beating heart, bleeding out over his stiff tongue.

"Sure."