Paint || BokuAka

- chapter 22 • each month; fight for sanity -

He doesn't like the day anymore, he'd rather roam around at night. But this day felt a bit different, a bit uplifting for some odd reason.

He got up and decided to go paint a bit. Painting used to be a relief, but now it felt like a duty.

~

"What am I suppose to paint?!" He slouched on his chair in front of the easel. "Maybe continue the work I haven't finished.." He groaned.

Walking over and looking at the unfinished art work, spotting the ones covered in dust due to the inactivity. Pulling out one of them, he stared at it. Why did he every think of painting this?

He brought it over to the easel and set it down. "How am I suppose to start working on this again?" He sighed.

This painting made him disgusted. This was the one he was working when he hung out with Bokuto. He had to finish it, he felt the need to even though he didn't want to.

~

Two hours passed by of struggling to finish the painting.

Akaashi put the brush down and sighed. "Complicating.." He whispered while taking off the apron.

He didn't want to look at it. If he did memories would rush back in and break him down once more.

He got ready to leave, pulling his bag on his shoulders. He glanced at the painting, he turned around and looked at. Tears pricked his eyes, why did he paint this?

He grabbed the painting hastily and walked out of the room. Tears rolled down his face in anger.

~

He arrived to his room and threw the painting on the floor. He grunted and jumped onto the bed. He felt so unsuccessful, so empty.

He lifted his head, time to begin.

Weed.

Self doubt.

Screaming in a pillow.

Crying.

It was a routine now, that routine was the only thing keeping him sane.

8:47 PM

He sighed and smudged the weed into a bag. At this moment he felt the need to go somewhere, somewhere he hasn't been in a while.

~

He knew driving wasn't a good idea, especially being high at the moment. But he did it anyways, listening to 'Be Nice To Me' by The Front Bottoms.

All these lyrics hit him hard. This song hit him hard, like a brick to the chest. He laughed a bit at his own weeping.

'I've got boulders on my shoulders..'

These lyrics described his life a bit, his life at this moment.

{a/n: I want you to put this song on and think about what has happened! If you want to, I tried it and I- I don't know.}

He'd arrived to the destination soon enough. Slamming the car door he stumbled into the empty park. It was cold and lonely.

Why am I so lonely?

Because your suppose to be Keiji.

I don't want to be lonely though..?

He walked into the middle of the field and sat down. Shivers ran up his spine once the cold water from the grass slithered up his back.

He sighed and looked up at the clouded moon. It was dark, very dark, only the slight moonlight lighted up the park.

He didn't want to say anything, he just wanted to watch.