𝐒𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐬| 𝟏𝟖+

अध्याय 19

I let out a shaky breath and turned my eyes to the sea "Can't sleep?" He breaks the silence with a whispered as if he didn't want anyone else to hear his question, just me.

I moved the hair off my face as the breeze was ruffling me. I directed my eyes to his and whispered back "Nope"

Lorenzo moves his cigarette off his plump lips turning the other way and exhales "Are you okay?" He asked in a soothing tone.

'Are you ok?' That was a question that I couldn't answer, not today at least. I looked up at him and softly shocked my head.

I felt guilty that I had missed such an important date as today. If I had remembered I would never have agreed to come on this date.

I moved my gaze away from Lorenzo before I got sentimental but his next words literally did it for me "Let it out" He softly whispered, his eyes glued to me.

A silent tear escaped my eyes as I felt my chest compress harder "I ... I just ..." I couldn't form a coherent word. Lorenzo moved his body closer to mine, standing right next to me, his arm brushing mine.

I hated it feeling this way, but most of all I hated that someone else saw me vulnerable. I really didn't want him to get to know me, that's the reason I never allowed him to ask me any personal questions. Because deep down I knew that if I let him in, he was going to hurt me just like everyone else

And the worst part of it all is that at this instinct I felt more vulnerable than ever and desperately needed to get it off my chest. I wiped my tears and sharply breathed out "I had a brother ..." I slowly said.

Lorenzo doesn't say a thing but his expression change, now looking curious at me. Making me feel like he cares.

I crossed my arms over my chest "He passed away ... nineteen years ago," I resumed my voice breaking a bit by each spoken word "he died in my arms" More tears continued to fall. Lorenzo moves his hand around me and with one hand bends my head to lean on his shoulder. He carefully places a hand over my head and starts running his fingers through my darl locks.

The horrendous memories started invading my head and I felt like I couldn't breathe properly. My breathing starts to gasp and as if he knows how I feel, he swept me around and sneaks an arm around my waist while the other goes behind my neck as I pulled me closer to his hard chest.

I didn't move, I kept my arms beside me and continues "The cause of his death was asphyxiation," I took a deep breath "I was supposed to be taking care of him and I failed him. I swear I tried to save him ... I really did, but ... I was too late" I said, my voice was a mere whispered. Without realizing I hugged him. Lorenzo softly squeezes my waist, reassuring me. I didn't know I needed it.

He was resting his chin on top of my head and softly, scared of what would be my reaction, asked "How old was he?"

I shut down my eyes "He was four months old"

"You know what's the funny thing? He would be alive if I had been more responsible. He would be ..."

Lorenzo delicately pulled away and cupped my face in his hands "It wasn't your fault. You were five, just a kid. Where were your parents?" Regret washed over his face when he pronounced the last sentence.

I smiled wryly, throwing my hands in the air "What parents? The father who abandoned me the moment he found out about my existence, or .. or .. the mother who for years the only thing she did was abuse me mentally and physically .. . or the mother who beat me when she had no more drugs or alcohol ... or ... or the mother who left me alone, I was only five years old with my baby brother, to get more pills "At this point I was a crying mess, just letting everything out. I looked up and saw his eyes from him, they were withholding pain.

This felt like free therapy.

Lorenzo brought his thumb and wiped my tears away, which made me cry harder "That night, she came back," I sobbed and lowered my gaze, in response he lifted my chin with the back of his hands "she came back happy. She was talking about how she wanted to get better for me ... for us. I will never forget that night. As she asked me about my brother, Axel was his name, I broke down. I couldn't speak, after all, I had just witnessed my brother dying and I knew that I ruined any chance of my mother getting better"

I watched into his eyes, a tear was forming on the corner. Lorenzo felted because he blinked it away. He approaches my face and gently kisses my forehead.

"I don't quite remember what she said before she slapped me, so hard it made me lose balance and I fell. But her next words torment me every day, they are words that I have marked on my skin 'It's your fault', 'No one will ever love you','You have been the worst thing that has happened to me in life' ,'You're useless'. Hit after hit. I took it all because she made me believe I was nothing, that I didn't deserve to be alive"

"Maya, I-"

I shook my head and wiped my tears once again. I'm pretty sure my eyes were puffy and my nose was red as a tomato. "Her abuse continued, the days turned into weeks, the weeks into months, the months into years, and the years into a decade. A whole decade of abuse, mistreatment and not only on her part but also mine "

The night was cold and bright, and here I was standing in front of someone I have known for a few months but it makes me feel safe, so safe and comfortable that I am basically telling him my whole life story. Fun, right?

"The tattoo of an angel on your rib is your brother, right?" Lorenzo asked and I nodded, wiping the back of my hand over my face.

I felt like I had taken a great weight off my shoulders. I had never told anyone other than Zara about this.

His hands cupped my face again and I just look up at him. Lorenzo moves a strand of hair behind my ear, never breaking eye contact. I place my hands on his wrists, lost in the reflection of the night in his eyes.

𝐋𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐳𝐨'𝐬 𝐏.𝐎.𝐕

I was lost for words. I could not understand how parents can harm their own children with their words and actions.

Her past explains so much about her. Things that I like more and more every day. Sure, I would never say that to her.

I moved my lips near her and pressed a soft kiss on her forehead "I'm so sorry" I broke the silence and I feel her small hands crawling up my naked back, causing goosebumps. Maya had no idea how much I craved her touch.

"Don't 'be. It's not your fault" She relaxes under my hold. Her eyes were puffy from crying, her cheeks and nose were a cute shade of pinks. Even in these circumstances, she was the most beautiful woman my eyes had landed on.

Before I could let any world out, she spoke "Oh c'mon, I've cried enough today and I'm getting sleepy" A weak smile formed on her full lips and I responded with a smile. If she does not want to talk anymore, I'll respect her decision about her but that does not mean I do not want to know about her. I was lost in her. I wanted to know everything about her. I wanted to get to know her, not just physically but emotionally.

"You know you're a big teddy bear, you seem so rough but inside you're really sweet" Maya whispered pressing her to hold around my chest. If only she knew that she was the only one who sees that part of me. Others see me for what I am, a cold-blooded murderer.

If she knew that the hands that are caressing her are the hands that have killed hundreds of people, without mercy.

I knew there was going to be a moment where she was going to find out the truth, and that day her look would not be gentle anymore. She would see me like everyone else does, as the monster that I am.

~~~~
Soooo here it is 😗
Plss let me know if there's any errors 🕳🚶🏻‍♀️
I actually quite liked this chapter,like I think I did good 😭

question: what do you think about part of her past? Emmm... there's more but let's focus on this for now 👀

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