Dune Point {Spencer Reid x Reader}

• Twelve •

You sunk further into the couch, slowly eating your chicken and fries, your eyes half lidded as you watched Frankie introduce herself to the group with an audaciously long, yet hilarious monologue. "You're right. Oh my god, that's scary." Spencer said as he pushed some fries into his mouth. "Yeah," you responded.

But Spencer wasn't watching at all. He couldn't help but retreat to his original character from when he first met you. He stared. He couldn't help it, it was all he could do. If you weren't going to talk to him, he was just going to have to profile you.

His eyes narrowed as he tried to puzzle together your every action from the past ten days. The way the already dark circles around your eyes darkened and how your eyes now naturally lidded told him you hadn't been sleeping very much. Your demeanor had changed from more open and variable to certain and assertive. Something told him you were holding something back, though.

"Y/N?" Spencer quietly asked, half of him hoping you wouldn't hear him.
"Yeah?" You responded with an exhale and the same hushed tone as to not disturb the show in front of you.

"Did you... uh..." Spencer was having a hard time asking what he wanted to because he already knew the answer. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He took note of how you stiffened, knowing exactly what the "it" was that he was referring to. You wanted to talk about it so badly, but the words just couldn't formulate on your tongue. So instead you pretended as if you hadn't heard him and quickly changed the subject. "I'm gonna go get some air, feel free to keep watching."

You quickly sat up and left to your room before returning, only to go out on the balcony. Spencer noticed something hidden in the palm of your hand, but wasn't able to catch exactly what it was as you briskly walked by him. You closed the silky blinds on the windows of the doors to the balcony, and left the tv playing. Spencer wasn't paying attention at all to the community college study group on the tv. He was more focused on what was happening behind the door you'd just escaped through.

He figured he'd let you have your time alone and went back to watching this show in which he had no idea what was going on. It wasn't until about five minutes later when he smelled the familiar skunk-like stench seeping through the crack under the door. 

He knew exactly what he was smelling, so he figured he'd let you be in peace, but then he realized...
You can't smoke without a lighter.

Spencer jumped off the couch, practically sprinting to the door. He pulled it open with all his force to see exactly not what he'd expected. You were leaning your forearms on the railing as you looked out over the street, admiring the dark sky that encompassed the city.

"Jesus, Spencer, you can't trust me to be alone for, like, two seconds?" You spoke in the most non accusatory tone, you hadn't even turned to face him. The high had already hit you like a truck, you were too calm to try and start something.

"How did you get a lighter, I thought we threw all your lighters, candles, and matches away." It's true, you had. The week after Spencer helped you move in, he'd also helped you to discard of anything you could burn yourself with purposefully – save the stove because... well you need your stove.

"We did. But Walgreens has lighters, Spence. Besides, I'm not gonna burn myself." You inhaled a puff of smoke, exhaling the smoke in one swift breath. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the uncertainty in his face. You could practically feel the skepticism wafting off of him. "Seriously." You added. "It either does nothing or just makes things worse now."

The only reason you'd burned when you were younger was because of how rejected you felt. You'd felt as if your parents completely forgot you existed all the time. You'd burned just to make sure you were still alive, still... present. But now, you were acutely aware of your existence. It was as if you felt every fiber that ran through your body. Like you could feel your blood rush through you, touching your bones. You felt everything. You felt so stuck that you couldn't do anything but exist. You just wanted to disappear for a little bit.