ghosting | wilbur soot oneshots

small steps

a/n : sensitive topic so it's rather short but if there's any misinformation that can cause damage please let me know :]

836 words (minus a/n)
tw : eating disorder

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eating was difficult for wilbur. he knew he should but he spent so long convincing himself an empty growling stomach was full. so he often sat there staring at a full plate debating on if he should take a bite. sometimes he just couldn't eat, it made him feel sick and he vomited the food out before it had a chance to even fulfill him.

he felt guilty whenever that happened always ending up calling phil to apologising over and over again. but phil was never mad or even the slightest bit upset when it happened, he listened to all of wilbur's apologies and waited until the other was quiet to speak. he'd always say the same thing in a comforting tone, "it's alright mate, small steps remember?" the sentence gave wilbur that feeling everything would be fine eventually and that some day he could eat a full plate without feeling guilty.

when he did eat even if it was just a little bit of food he'd tell phil. always earning a cheer from the other followed by the older saying how proud he was for wilbur. the words always made the brunet grin wildly, cheering for himself and feeling proud.

"phil i had a bowl of rice today and- and some toast!" wilbur's tone was bright, colourful and proud.

"i'm so proud of you wil" phil's tone was calm, proud and genuine.

sometimes wilbur would lie to phil. sometimes he just couldn't eat. sometimes he fell back into his bad habit and told phil he ate when his plate was staring at him, full. he cried when the call ended, feeling horrible that he did something he told himself he'd never do again. making the habit stop wasn't easy. it wasn't something you could remove in the snap of your fingers. sometimes old habits came back because he had gotten used to them. sometimes he felt guilty doing the right thing because he had spent so long believing eating was a problem that was solved in an unhealthy way.

he remembers streaming and looking porcelain white, the lighting being the only thing to hiding that fact, wearing a baggy jumper that wasn't always baggy. he acted the way chat was used to him acting. it was like nothing was wrong but his mouse shaked whenever he moved it and every part of him felt weak. he doesn't remember what game he was playing all he recalled was the stream being sponsored by the game.

phil was watching the stream but wilbur had believed his act was perfect. the only slip up was the fact phil noticed the little things and the little things had nothing to cover them up. the mouse moving shakily slow, his snow pale skin, the jumper wilbur wore before looking different by the way it slipped ever so often to reveal more pale skin when the garment never did so before and the way his voice sounded unused, wobbly sometimes only to be covered up by a chipper tone once more.

when the stream ended phil asked wilbur a simple question that crushed the coverup wilbur created for himself.

"have you eaten lately wil?"

he'd heard the question several times, he lied to that question several time yet for some reason it felt strange to lie in that moment. however wilbur decided to lie with the chipper tone covering up any sign of the brunet who was falling apart while believing he was putting himself together.

"yeah, been ordering from this good restaurant i found last week"

and with that phil left the topic alone for the day. granted he wouldn't leave it alone forever, wilbur didn't sound okay nor look okay but of course he wouldn't push it until it seemed overly worrying. when it did become overly worrying wilbur got a surprise visit from philza minecraft himself.

the blond made wilbur have a piece of bread. he made sure wilbur didn't eat quickly or if it started to upset his stomach for him to stop eating the bread for a bit. no matter what he couldn't force someone who had been straving for gods know how long to eat a whole buffet, it'd upset his stomach to the point he'd vomit or feel sick for a good while.

wilbur later found out that phil had told his wife that he'd been staying at a friend's house until they got healthy enough to be alone. it was quite frankly sweet but it made wilbur feel like he was a bother, just some sick bloke that needed someone to depend on. course phil denied that wilbur was a bother he said it was the opposite really, he loved spending time with wilbur even when it wasn't durning the brightest point in his life.

it made the brunet smile to himself whenever he thought of phil and how great of a guy he is. wil had eaten meals for a whole week and holy fuck was he proud of himself for that.