sparky // a padawan story

chapter 21. guidance.

"I'll be right back," I tell her. She nods as I walk out of the hall and sneak away towards my quarters. After a moment, I hear a voice from behind me. 

"You haven't finished your food yet, Arlo. I thought you were hungry?" I stop walking and turn to Obi-Wan as he catches up to me. 

"I guess I wasn't." I shrug. 

He feels my forehead and cheek with the back of my hand to check for a temperature. "You're a bit warm, but you don't look sick." He examines me for signs of why I could be leaving. "Hm. Care to join me for a walk?"

"But you need to eat."

"And so do you. But I suppose neither of us are very hungry right now."

"Right." We begin to start down the hall. My fingers fidget with the hem of my grey tunic. 

Obi-Wan notices, as he always does, and waits patiently. "Take your time."

"What am I supposed to say?"

"Whatever you think you should tell me."

"I guess, uh, Ahsoka wasn't exactly wrong."

"Yes, well, I figured that much. What else is on your mind?"

"I think... I might, too?"

"Oh, I can tell. You've never been good at hiding your emotions, you know. At least not to me."

"Then why'd you even ask?"

"Because you can't hide from it forever. You know what I tell you, Arlo. You can't just not feel. It's what you do about it that matters."

"I've never really understood what you mean by 'what I do about it.' I can't do anything about it. And I can't just stop, so what am I supposed to do?"

"How you act because of it. For example, if your feelings for him cloud your judgement, that's not a good thing to do about it. Rather, you should let these feelings to drive you to do good and be a better person. And, of course, as with all attachments, you have to be prepared to let go. No matter how hard it is for you."

"Right. Because attachments are forbidden."

"Right. Don't fret too much of it, Arlo. It's normal once you start getting older. Take me as an example. When I met Satine, we were probably just a few years older than you. But I haven't let it drive me to do something completely foolhardy yet. I feel that, since that mission with Qui-Gon, I've become a much better person and a much stronger Jedi."

"...I have a question. You don't have to answer, but... would you have left the Order for her? I mean, if it came to that."

"I... won't lie, Arlo, I used to think about that a lot. And if you decided to do that, then I suppose I'd—"

"Woah, woah, woah. I'm not leaving the Order for anyone. Besides, I've only known him for a few days."

"Oh, good. Because I would tell you, that's extremely foolish. Especially after just turning 15. And knowing him for as little time as you have."

"I wouldn't leave you. What would you even do around here without me?"

"I genuinely do not know, my Padawan."

—

"Y'know, Korkie," Amis says as we walk out of class, "I miss having Arlo and Ahsoka teaching more than I thought I would."

"Because they gave easier homework?" I ask. 

"...Partially."

I laugh. "Well, I actually miss them, and not just because they give less work."