The Publicist

Uncomfortable Feelings

"Hey D." I dapped him up.

He was behind the bar cleaning our wine glasses. I had commissioned him earlier to set this up for me and her.

Popeyes was just to stall for time, and on top of that a nigga was hungry. And honestly, Popeyes is my favorite restaurant. I know y'all want it to be something fancy, but just give me a two piece with some red beans and rice, I'm in heaven.

D put the wine glasses on the table, then came to hug Jazmine.

"Everything is ready, so I'll leave y'all. Don't create too many waves." He joked.

We laughed as he waved to us goodbye.

"You cooked this?" She asked me, looking to her right to see a table was set with lobster, steak, asparagus and garlic mashed potatoes.

"Nah. I had it catered. You gotta earn this type of meal from me." I helped her in her chair.

"Boy bye." She laughed.

"We were going to come here the whole time, I just wanted to pass time until it was ready." I grabbed the wine from the bar and sat in the chair across from her.

I handed her a glass then poured her some wine.

"Thank you. This your boat?" She moved the glass closer to her.

"Yeah." I poured my own glass of wine.

"Hmm." She said taking a sip.

"What's the hmm for?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

She didn't respond.

"If you thinking what I'm thinking you thinking, no. I don't bring women on here. I just got it a couple of weeks ago actually. You the first."

"Probably won't be the last but it's cool." She smirked.

"Well you were the first and that's what matters right?" I chuckled .

"Whatever." She rolled her eyes and picked up her fork.

"Ah-ah. We say grace round here." I grabbed her hand. "Bow your head please."

She silently smiled and bowed her head.

"Jesus wept. Amen." I let her hand go.

She sucked her teeth and looked at me.

"What?" I said cutting my steak.

"A two-word grace?"

"Hey, Jesus wept is a legitimate grace. It don't matter how long it is. As long as you say it."

"True." She agreed and ate some of her garlic mashed potatoes.

"Thank you for bringing me here. This is beautiful."

"Glad you like it." I poured some steak sauce on my steak, then took a bite.

There was silence as we both began to eat.

"So why are you single? I'm sure you're surrounded by beautiful women day and in and day out." She looked over and asked me.

"Honestly, I don't have time for no girl. My music is my girl. And on top of that beauty means nothing to me. It's plenty of beautiful mutha-fuckas out here. I gotta connect with someone spiritually."

"And how does one do that?"

"Why you wanna know if I connect with you?"

"No, I'm just curious."

"I don't know it's like a feeling I get. Mainly I've found people focus so much on superficial stuff, they can't even have an intelligent conversation. I need a woman who matches my smarts."

"I can see that." She said cutting a piece of her steak and eating it.

"So why you single? You one of them crazy professional women who don't need no man?"

"Uh no."
I laughed.

"After my fiancé' died I decided to give love a little break."

"Aw man, what happened to him?"

"He was robbed and shot."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Nah it's okay. Actually I wanted to thank you."

"For what?" I ate some potatoes.

"Hearing Don't Forget About Me and hearing you talk about your brother, reminds me I can't let his death stop me. I gotta keep going ya know? The best gift I can give him is to live."

"Yeah, that's all you can do."

She was eating and I looked at her. I was surprised she had heard my music.

"So you heard my music?"

"Yeah."

"What you think?"

"You aight. I've heard better." She shrugged.

I ate my food upset she dissed me.

"Aug I'm joking." She laughed.

"Nah you have a right to your opinion. Don't change it." I said salty.

"Are you really offended? I was joking. DJ gets tired of me because I play it so much. If I could describe it in one word I'd say heartfelt."

"Why?" I wiped my mouth with my napkin curious as to what she had to say next.

"some people say you whine a lot."

"I heard that shit." I rolled my eyes, thinking about what people have said about my singing.

"But I think they mistake whining for you spilling out your heart. It's like every track, is your love letter to life. To the people you love. To your brother. To people going through your same struggle.

You give it your all. You literally are singing your heart out. And someone singing from the heart on every track is going to sound different from someone just making music they haven't lived.

Whatever is in your heart at the time, you sing it. And it's like when I hear songs like Benediction and Testify I get so excited that you made it out. Because with all you've been through you weren't supposed to."

"You got all that from music?" I was intrigued at her analysis, because that really was the God's honest truth. And nobody ever really broke it down like that.

"Yeah." She ate some of her lobster.

There was a silence. I felt an uncomfortable feeling going through my body. A feeling that sent a signal to my brain that told me if I kept talking to her, my vulnerability would surface . A feeling that told my heart to put up a steel wall otherwise it would be left open.

Very few people got me to this point, well actually only one, my ex.

And I thought about how I gave Crystal everything only to be left broken. How I tried to be a good dude, even with temptation calling, but that only got me played. Not again.

I looked at my phone looking for an excuse to dodge. I wanted to keep the shit superficial, even if she was what I needed, I wasn't ready to let anybody in yet. Maybe when I'm 30, but for right now, I'm just enjoying life. I told myself.

"Uhh I'm sorry but I got to take you back. D just texted me and told me this new track I'm working on with Kevin Gates gotta be in before tomorrow. We have to put some finishing touches on it and send it back." I lied.

"Aww man."

"I'm sorry sweetheart. We'll do it again tho." I gave an uncomfortable smile. Hoping she couldn't see through my facade.

"It's fine. I understand when work comes you gotta go."

"Mm." I said sipping my wine. Thank God she didn't.

She got her things and we left.