Growing Attention (Pueblo Dulce #3)

Kabanata 17

Trigger

His eyes were viscous and unreadable. His lips that used to be my source of gentle words were in a thin line. Nakaigting ang kanyang panga at gumagalaw ang muscle noon kada hugot niya ng hininga. That was the first time I saw him... that way.

"Hahanapin ko siya doon, Tobias, at wala dapat malaman si Adam. He need to own up the shit he did. Sinabi ko na sa kanya noon, huwag si Leoneira!"

And how could I forgot the way he uttered that beautiful name. In his rage, even my chaotic mind would understand something about it.

It was something painful, heartbreaking...and something I cannot afford dwelling. God, not on this kind of mindset I have, not on the midst of the growing feelings I'm starting to have for him.

"Bahala ka, Apollo. Mukhang ginampanan rin naman niya ang pagiging gago niya ngayon. I don't think he's still finding her." I hear Engineer Zajares say those words.

He throw a single glance at me. Mukhang siya lang ang hindi ukupado ang utak at naalala pang nandidito ako kasama nila. Si Apollo mukhang nalimutan nang nakikinig ako sa usapan nilang dalawa.

I hastily excused myself to walk past him and his cousin, ngunit kahit iyon ay hindi niya napansin. He was glued to the topic... to the name he uttered.

Pumikit ako sandali habang naglalakad patungong site, dala-dala pa rin ang blueprint design ng clinic niya na hindi niya man lang tuluyang hinawakan.

Sa aking palapulsuhan, alam kong tuyo na ang mga nakaguhit na mga sugat doon kahit papaano. They're hiding behind the long sleeves of the blouse I am wearing today.

You will not hurt yourself, Lauvreen. You cannot draw another batch of fresh cuts every time you're hurting. Not for him, not for anyone again...

Paulit-ulit kong mantra iyon at sa tahimik ay nagpasalamat dahil mabuti na lang alam ko pa rin kung saan patungo ang direksiyon ko. Alam kong kailangan kong gampanan ang trabaho ko dito. I need to distract myself. I need to stay sane no matter how hard it is for me.

"Architect!"

Natigil ako sa paglalakad nang may mainit na kamay ang humawak sa aking kamay. The instance I chose to look back is the instance it became harder for me to stay levelheaded. The moment I watched the worry on his eyes, I almost lost it.

"I am sorry," he said. His eyes back on its gentle shape. "Wala lang iyong narinig mo..."

Tinitigan ko lamang siya. I don't know what to say. Pakiramdam ko wala akong karapatan magsalita. Masakit, dahil hindi niya naman kasi kailangang magpaliwanag.

"Architect, Leoneira is... she's..." Hindi niya madugtungan ang sinasabi niya.

"She is the woman you're seeing in me, Apollo?" tanong ko. Nagulat ako sa aking pagiging kalmado.

Good. I am finally holding my sanity the right way...

I've hurt myself because I thought it was the woman he called Michaela, but I will never do the same now that her name was revealed right in my face. Nagpakahirap akong itatak sa utak ko na pantay lang naman kami ni Apollo. Nakikita ko rin naman ang katauhan ni Fabio sa kanya... kahit na hindi naman na sana ngayon.

"S-She's not, Architect. I am not seeing her in you," aniya. Bago pa niya maiwas ang tingin sa akin, nakita ko na ang giwang ng pagkalito.

Tinitigan ko siya ng mariin at saka ako nagbuntong-hininga. "It's alright, Doc. Ayos lang ako. Ako naman ang nandidito. Ako ang kasama mo. Ako ang binibigyan mo ng atensyon ngayon. Your gentleness is mine alone for now, so it's really alright. Baka kapag bumalik na siya, kapag binalikan ka na niya... saka hindi magiging a-ayos sa akin..."