Breathe | k. kurta & c. lucilfer x reader

20. NANIKA

Sitting on your balcony, adorned in the customary Zoldyck attire—a luxurious pink kimono crafted by the family's esteemed designer—watching the sunset was a cherished ritual, a source of solace and rejuvenation for your weary soul. With no missions occupying your time for the past three days, you relished the opportunity to immerse yourself in the tranquility of these moments. Spending the days playing with Alluka and Kalluto only added to the sense of contentment that enveloped you.

"Oneesan! Oneesan!" Alluka's voice rang out as she burst into your room, followed closely by Kalluto. In their hands, they carried an assortment of flowers they had gathered from the garden, a gesture born out of their observations of your fondness for selecting flowers from the estate's lush gardens.

"Thank you, my dear ones," you said gratefully as Alluka handed you the bouquet of flowers they had gathered. With a warm smile, you kissed each of them on the cheek in appreciation of their thoughtful gesture.

Over the past two weeks since your return to the estate, you had come to terms with your fate. Despite your aversion to this life of confinement and obligation, you had resolved to accept it, recognizing your duty to protect your younger siblings even at the cost of your own happiness.

As you and your siblings absorbed the news, your attention snapped to the door where Gotoh stood, his announcement commanding immediate attention. "All of the Zoldyck children are being summoned to the living room in fifteen minutes," he declared, his tone leaving no room for discussion.

You offered a nod to Gotoh as he bowed slightly and exited the room, leaving you alone with Alluka and Kalluto.

An uneasy sigh escaped your lips, unnoticed by your younger siblings, who exchanged concerned glances in response to the fatigue etched on your face.In the past few days, sleep had eluded you, haunted by the lingering unease from your recent missions. It felt as though something was gnawing at your insides, a sensation all too familiar yet unsettling.

The exhaustion evident in the bags under your eyes, but you managed a soft smile for Alluka and Kalluto. "Will you two, Allu and Kall, head there first? I'll join you in ten minutes after I freshen up," you requested gently, sensing their understanding as they exchanged glances.

It was clear they grasped your silent plea for a moment of solitude. Both nodded in agreement, their troubled expressions betraying their concern for you, before quietly exiting the room, leaving you to collect your thoughts in silence.

You stood before the bathroom mirror, staring into your own eyes, a sense of terror washed over you. Your reflection revealed the exhaustion etched into your features, but more than that, it mirrored the fear that gnawed at your soul.

A single tear slid down your cheek as you blinked, your grip on the sink tightening as you clenched your teeth in frustration. "I don't want this. I don't want to kill children," you whispered to your reflection, the words heavy with anguish. But as the reality of your circumstances loomed before you, the weight of your duty pressed down upon you.

What other options did you have? The prospect of defying your family's expectations and abandoning your role as an assassin seemed impossible, leaving you trapped in a cycle of despair.

As you grappled with your inner turmoil, the stark reality of your situation weighed once again. Backing out of the deal would not only jeopardize the safety of your siblings, particularly Killua, but also put your friends at risk. No, that was not an option you could entertain. But continuing to serve as your family's weapon meant enduring missions that tested the very core of your humanity.

The thought of taking the lives of innocent children with your own hands filled you with revulsion and despair. This internal struggle was not new to you; it had been a constant companion since the day you met them. In truth, it had been with you since the day you were born into the Zoldyck family, raised and trained to become an assassin. Despite the merciless nature of your upbringing, you had always harbored a sense of mercy within you.